[Put your hands together for Holly Jackson, genius copywriter and guest poster extraordinaire! Plus, she wears cute pajama bottoms and tank tops while she works. Way to go! -LaVonne]
I always start these guest posts by typing the same thing, “Hi, I’m Holly, and I run Cottage Copy.” I start with this because guest posts make me nervous, fundamentally, and it’s nice to start out feeling like this cool, competent person. Then I erase it and write a real introduction so I don’t feel like a nerd.
When you really embrace the idea of running a company, you force yourself to step into a whole new kind of identity. To run a successful business, you’ve got to commit to the idea for the long haul. Even more important, you’ve got to commit to an identity that isn’t who you are every day. It’s sort of like stepping into the telephone booth and putting on the underwear outside your pants for a change — in a weird, empowering way.
We wear these identities like a shield on the really bad business days.
I have a personal theory that many people develop these professional identities for themselves because it lets them step back from all the personal aspects of running a business. If your piece gets rejected, it wasn’t really you, it was the business you. The real you can still go through your daily life and be reasonably unaffected by the whole thing.
We take these business selves and imbue them with all the characteristics that we’re striving for, and then we hold them up as examples of who we really want to be. Sometimes, just by pretending to be that other person, we get one step closer to actually becoming them.
I have a confession, and I think it’s the first time I’ve ever said this on the internet: when I was growing up, I didn’t want to be a writer. I didn’t write all the time, I didn’t dream of writing books, and I certainly didn’t think about doing marketing writing. I didn’t even keep a diary.
Falling into this profession was the best thing that ever happened to me — it’s changed me immensely. I’ve accidentally found the thing that I’m most passionate about.
But some days I feel like, well, a flake.
I keep running into these people who are desperate to be “real writers,” as they put it. They’ve all been writing since they were five and had their first novel ready for publication when they were fifteen, and they make me feel like a fake.
Deep in my heart, I’m not really sure that I’m a “real writer” yet — despite the fact that I can’t imagine doing anything else, and that I’ve been successful in a relatively short period of time at it. I feel like I’ve cheated the system somehow, so I put on this persona of a lifetime writer to fit in and feel less uncomfortable about the whole thing.
None of this was actually a problem until I got my first VIP conference ticket a few months ago. I was excited at first, because it was the first time in my life I’d gotten a VIP ticket to anything, and that in itself felt like reason enough to go.
It was about then that the terrible realization I’d been avoiding hit my stomach: at some point, I was going to have to take my internet alter-ego off the internet and out into the real world, and I had no idea how to become her.
Let me tell you who I really am: I’m a young-looking 24, I have cat’s-eye glasses, and I usually work in some combination of pajama pants covered with children’s book characters, and a tank top. I have two obvious tattoos and I usually forget to get my hair cut in any kind of timely manner.
This person was clearly not equipped to go to a professional conference, or to be seen as a “real writer.”
I decided that I had to make myself into this other person so I wouldn’t disappoint anyone, or be seen as a flake or a fake (I don’t know which I was more worried about.) I went out and bought what I thought of as adult clothes. I didn’t think about what I wanted to wear, just what someone like my mother would have approved of. I was so freaked out about the whole thing that I lost all sight of who I really was, just who I thought I should be.
I practiced trying to make my voice less young or squeaky, and I worried about looking like a teenager when everyone else would be mature, established people. I worried about what real writers wore. After all, don’t they all wear cool, creative clothes and look threadworn yet elegant?
I was about two weeks into this process when I realized that I actively did not want to go to this conference anymore. The pressure of trying to become a new person had beaten me down, and the thing that I had been so excited about just seemed like one big horrible ordeal. I chickened out and canceled, and tried not to think about the potential business that I’d lost by doing so. I felt awful, but I was convinced that going would have felt even more awful. I felt lost, and ironically, more like a confused twenty-four year old with no professional experience than I ever had before, despite running a successful business.
The feeling of not knowing who I was didn’t go away.
I wish I had some inspirational nugget of wisdom here to tell you how to kick that feeling. I know that it’s common, especially among creative professionals. I can say that the improvements have been small but gradual.
- I started drafting an essay collection, and I’m slowly trying to put all that junk about what makes a real writer out of my head, at least when I’m actively drafting material.
- I bought some real adult clothes that aren’t dictated by the voice of my mother in my head, and I wear them occasionally and enjoy them. I haven’t been invited to another conference but I feel like I might be better equipped to go to one if I was. (At least if I did, it wouldn’t feel like I was dragging along a total stranger for a few days.)
- Most important, I’m making an effort to wear the superwoman underwear inside my pants most of the time, instead of using it as a crutch to fake my way through things.
I’m happy to say that it’s a good enough compromise for both versions of me.
Holly Jackson is the owner of Cottage Copy, a copywriting and marketing boutique specializing in all things unconventional. You can chat with her on Twitter @copygeniusgirl as she learns to run a 10k, takes her first
steps towards becoming a professional essayist, and generally learns to come to terms with the two halves of herself.
What’s your superhero business persona? How do you manage the two sides of your self? Tell us in the comments below!
Image credit: Kevin McShane
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[…] blog is sort of the companion piece to my guest post over on LaVonne Ellis’ blog, which you all should go read because she runs a wonderful blog and is truly one of the most […]
[…] post on 8000 words of crap and Holly’s guest post over at The Complete Flake about hiding behind our business superhero identities. So we thought to add a few more personal posts that we’ve found around the […]
[…] talked about on the Complete Flake how she was afraid of going to a conference where everyone could finally see the copywriter behind the screen. And that freaked her out. I have the opposite issue. All that nice protective armor of authority […]
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Wonderful post! Although I don't have this problem anymore, LOL, I used to look younger than I was and got a lot of comments from people that showed they didn't take me seriously at first. Usually, though, they came to respect me with time when they saw that I actually was competent. Then I was just left with my own feelings of inadequacy. 🙂
Seems like imposter syndrome is pretty rampant, even among really accomplished people. What has helped me the most with that is thinking in terms of effort instead of achievement. So instead of thinking, “I don't belong with this group of more experienced people,” I can tell myself, “Good for me for doing something that allows me to grow.” Putting in the effort is completely in our control, whereas achievement is only partially so.
My superhero persona as a coach is the person who can magically erase all your worries and doubts. I can't really do that…in case you were wondering. 🙂 Fortunately, in the coaching field, fixing the problem for the other person isn't even the goal, which gives me another reason to give up that persona.
Yep, I think anyone who has any success that feels a little too 'easy'
catches a case of imposter syndrome. But the only reason it's easy is
that you're good at it.
I like your superhero persona. Interesting that you've figured out it
doesn't work. Can I have it? 😉
“Putting in the effort is completely in our control, whereas achievement is only partially so.”
That is so true, and it's an attitude I'm trying to adopt these days. You can't control results most of the time, just the actions that you take to get there. It's a hard lesson to learn, especially if you're really into being in control of your world (like I am), but it's an important one.
For most of my life I've been plagued by the idea that being good at something is only a worthwhile achievement if it's something you have to force yourself to do…the tangles I've caught myself up in (and the job interviews! My hair is standing on end just thinking about some of them!).
And if it's any consolation, I'm 27 and still get ID'd regularly buying alcohol (and I'm in the UK where the legal age is 18). 😉
I once went out to dinner in college with a few underage friends, and I ordered a drink (I was the only one legal at the table). The waitress carefully inspected everyone, and said, “Okay, I'm going to have to ID….you.” And then pointed at me! I couldn't believe it. In fact, one of the reasons I wear glasses instead of switching to contacts is because without my glasses, I lose about three years, and I'm convince everyone will then think I'm 16.
The idea that anything worth doing should be hard is such a pervasive one in our culture. You even hear it from those gym teachers early on, “No pain, no gain.”, etc.
I think that anything worth doing can feel hard, but part of it should also feel natural. I truly believe that when you find what you're meant to be doing, you'll know it, no matter how painful it is.
I love this post – it's so inspiring and empowering, it's something you can tell yourself late at night before you go to bed if you want a “bedtime story”.
I can relate to your story in so many ways:
First, I do my writing in pajama pants (cartoon characters print included) and colorful t-shirts and it takes several hours before I change into something more “appropriate” – like sweat pants and another T-shirt that only a 14 years-old would wear. My excuse – it's a home based business, I'm my own boss, I feel great in pajamas, why change?!
Second, I too found success(I think I can say success) immediately after I started writing and it's a bit overwhelming. Often, I feel like something's just not right – especially when friends tell me that it took them years to get to the point where I am now only after 2 years, from which the first one I only wrote web content for a SPA and then simply fooled around,writing just for fun, not making any money.
Sometimes, I feel like a fake (this word is harsh) when I think about all the other copywriters and writers that are much more experienced me, that are much more talented and also worked a lot harder than me to get where I am now. If I compare myself to them I feel tiny all of the sudden. Luckily, I'm surrounded by wonderful people that convince me I'm not a fake, I'm just talented(that's what they say, I just love to write and I have lots of ideas and a wild imagination) and also lucky.
I am also a 24 years-old who is always told that she looks 17 – which I love! I do! When I'm going to be told that I look my age or worst, older I will not like it.
My superhero persona is a confident, cool, smart business woman who has no problem speaking in public, going to conferences. And of course, wears amazing suits and fabulous shoes.
How I manage these two sides? I sometimes put on a fantastic pair of high heeled shoes and start writing(yes, the pajamas are still on)
I love your solution-I'm going to have to try that!
Holly, boy can I relate. My business persona is something like “serious-minded, objective systems engineer” and I'm SO not that. I realized that about three years ago and have since worked on pushing myself to show more of who I really am than who I thought I should be for my corporate world. I'm far enough along now that I'm coaching others to do the same. Funny how we are more successful when we are ourselves than we ever would be when we're hiding behind a facade of the ideal corporate person.
LaVonne, thanks for introducing us to Holly! Hope your foot is better soon!
I love that you're coaching people through this stuff! I'm finding that as well: I'm much more successful when I just try and let go and be myself without any editing, both in my written work and with clients.
I went through this about a month (!) ago (already? where does the time GO?). I usually write/work in pajamas. But I was going to a conference. The registration stuff even told us what to wear, but I was totally unconvinced. Fortunately, I had figure out some of the stuff-my-mom-would-pick issue at a previous job, and knew I wasn’t going to wear that. I had also bought a few things over the last couple of years that felt like MEProfessional instead of SomePersonIWouldn’tEvenLikeProfessional. And it was only a three day event. (I knew I would like it when the instructions said to wear “yoga clothes” for the first night). So after doing it wrong and learning a lot, I DID actually learn to do it right, and I felt like me, and I felt professional but not stuffy or stiff, and I didn’t wear pajamas. 🙂 Because I work with people around sexuality, my business persona has to be soft, nonthreatening, and accessible, which is a good reminder to RELAX already!