Friends and “real” friends

Still at Gunnison National Forest near Crawford, CO —

My friend Sue is coming today to camp with me for a night. We’re planning to go see nearby Black Canyon, which I hear is pretty amazing.

I’ve “known” Sue for about eight years, I think. I’m not exactly sure when we “met”… and I put quotes on those words, even though I don’t think of them in quotes, because we’ve never met in person.

I often forget that most of my friends are the online kind, and that a lot of people make a distinction between the two. A Facebook or Twitter friend is somehow not as “real” as someone you can go visit or call on the phone anytime you want.

Before I started blogging over 20 (!) years ago, I had one or two close friends at a time, each relationship waxing and waning over the years with new ones taking their place. Then, for no apparent reason, each friendship ended.

Some of them lived in other cities and we just lost contact. Others objected to something I said or did, and dropped me. One avoided me for a year and when I finally got through and asked why, she explained that I changed my mind too much.

Eventually I had, literally, no friends left

It hurt. A lot. But I had to wonder why this kept happening over and over. Was it my fault? What was I doing wrong?

Well, I do change my mind a lot; I can’t deny that. And some of them had good reason to be angry with me. But others, who at the time I had considered dear friends, clearly didn’t hold me in the same regard. I remember going through my address book and, one by one, demoting them in my mind to acquaintances.

It was liberating to have no one left to please except myself

By that time, I had a blog (I can’t tell you how many people asked me back then, “What’s a BLOG?” looking as if they were mentally holding their noses.)

I began to meet other bloggers through the comments. It was the crude beginning of social media.

Three of those bloggers are still my friends today. I met one of them in person when she lived in Santa Cruz (she’s in Salt Lake City now, and I hope to visit her again soon); another was a Norwegian actress who later moved to Vienna; and the third was a Pakistani college student in Florida who now lives in the United Arab Emirates.

My Pakistani friend introduced a reluctant me to Twitter. After a few awkward attempts, I started to ‘get’ it and became addicted, spending all my free time in front of my computer screen. Through this little box, it felt like the whole world had opened to me. I met Sue, and made many other friends.

I felt like I finally had a social life again

Then, my son and his wife ‘friended’ me on Facebook and I was at a loss again. So I ignored FB and continued my social whirl on Twitter — until I noticed a lot of my friends were spending more and more time on Facebook. Soon, so was I.

Via social media, I now have what I consider to be good friends (without any quote marks) in England, Scotland, Austria, Holland, Spain, New Zealand, Australia, Canada, Ecuador, and Argentina—as well as the U.S., of course. They are just as real to me as anyone I have ever met in person.

And now that I’ve joined the vandwelling community, I have even more friends–some virtual and some IRL (in real life), but I hardly notice the difference any more.

I’m planning to meet some of my virtual friends on this journey, as well as visit others I’ve known in person for some time.

If I could afford it I would go around the world and meet them all. That would be an amazing trip.