Hi. My name is Jennifer. Not many of you will know me. That is because I am a lurker.
Photo by Lili Vieira de Carvalho
Before you call the authorities, let me explain. I am one of those quiet people who sit in the back of the room in a class or presentation. I smile at the presenter’s jokes. I nod my head at all the teaching points. But I don’t raise my hand to ask a question, and I certainly don’t come up afterwards to tell the presenter how much I’ve enjoyed learning from them. I don’t like to draw attention to myself.
Similarly, when it comes to Customer Love, I have lurked. I have stayed at the back of the room. I have smiled at jokes, and I have nodded my head when I have learned something new. But I haven’t made much noise.
Until now. Because I want you to know why lurking is okay.
I’ve watched CustomerLove for a couple of challenges now. Right from the off, I loved the idea and the ethos. But when the first challenge happened, I just didn’t feel I had a product to put forward at the end of a month of loving. So I loved my clients in a quiet sort of a way, read the posts, and watched. And learned.
Second challenge. This time I had the glimmer of an idea for a good and useful product that I could market. But I didn’t know how to package it. So I loved my clients in a quiet sort of a way. I read the posts, and watched. And learned. And worked on my ideas.
Now this challenge. This time I have a fully fledged idea for a product. It will be a good product. It will really help people. But it isn’t written yet. So I am keeping myself busy, loving my clients in a quiet sort of way. I am reading the posts and – gasp – participating in the tweetchats. I am watching and learning. And I am writing like crazy to get my product ready.
The moral of the story
I am here to tell you that it is okay to lurk. It is okay not to join in the Challenge if you aren’t ready. And that’s a hard lesson to learn, believe me. During the first challenge, I so wanted to join in, and caused myself grief and guilt because I couldn’t – I wasn’t ready. I didn’t have the ideas or the structures in place. It took me a while to allow myself the luxury of time and space to be a beginner and learn lots of really cool stuff that would help me.
So if you are reading this and you, like me, are a lurker, do yourself a favour. Don’t bother with the guilt trip. Give yourself the time and space for the ideas to flow. Watch. Read the posts. Be brave, and join in with the tweetchats and Skype calls. Learn. And when it is time and the ideas are there, work on them.
What one thing can you do today that will help you be more ready to take part in a future challenge? Let’s talk about it in the comments.
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Great post, Jennifer! I’m happy you’ve stepped out of the shadows for a moment 🙂
You’re absolutely right – everyone interacts with Customer Love in their own way, and beating yourself up is generally a daft plan. I’d bet that 90% of the people involved are introverts and prefer to wait for the right time before speaking up – and that’s totally ok! CL is as much about listening as it is about talking.
Hi Colin,
thanks for the kind words!
I think what you say is true – large numbers of CL people are likely to be introverts, and I bet there are a lot more lurkers like me out there. But because we lurkers are silent, by definition we don’t hear from others like us, and it becomes very easy to kid ourselves that everyone else is out there and speaking up and getting on with Big Exciting Things. And it just isn’t true – it’s a big fat lie that we use to beat ourselves up even more.
Listening is vital. And so is treating ourselves gently and allowing time and space for listening to occur. On the whole, no one will be tougher on us than we are ourselves.
Hello fellow lurker. I watched from the sidelines last CL challenge, too. I was drawn in by how friendly everyone is. Like you I stressed a bit about how much I was participating. Giving myself “the luxury of time and space to be a beginner” was so important. This time around I’m offering some customer love specials, next time around I’ll have a product ready. One step at a time!
Aha! Another lurker! Greetings!
Well done for giving up the stress and allowing yourself to learn from all the wonderful people that make up Customer Love. Ultimately, we can only ever move at the speed that is right and comfortable for us. We can’t rush insights; we can’t rush inspiration; we can’t rush products! All we can do is work step by step.
I can’t wait to see what your next step will be!
I enjoyed your post Jennifer. Smart girl you, baby stepping your way in. Baby stepping is a great way to build your capabilities at a comfortable pace, until you create a sense of momentum that will allow you to take a leap of faith and dive in with confidence.
I think baby steps are a great way of putting it, Anne. Step by step we move closer to our goals. And the interesting thing about taking small baby steps is that sometimes they enable you to move ahead more quickly than if you try to move by great leaps. When you take baby steps, you cover all the ground. You know the territory intimately, and that intimacy breeds confidence and security.
Thanks for such a great comment!
This is a very important post Jennifer. It’s really easy to give ourselves a hard time for the stuff we’re not doing and forgetting to see what we are doing. (I wanted to say do do and giggle but resisted. Nearly!)
There’s a stat bandied about that something like 90% of the people who read blog posts never comment. I imagine this is similarly true for things like the Customer Love challenges. I was here from day 1 of the first challenge but have always been on the outskirts, mainly because of time constraints, but like you so rightly remind us, this takes nothing away from the value of each challenge. The beauty of Customer Love is that LaVonne and co are always so welcoming, regardless of how active a participant you are.
Hi El,
another person from the outskirts! I knew there were more of us! 😀
Customer Love wouldn’t work if it weren’t for the welcoming, supportive people who make up the community. I have learned so much from my perch on the outskirts. If I could have my time again, I think I would write comments on the posts a little more, just to let the writers know how much they have helped me. It only strikes me, now that I’ve crept out into the light for a brief moment, how encouraging it is to receive the feedback! So thank you!
Thank you for this encouragement and honest post. I completely relate and have just recently let go of the guilt for not jumping in the challenge with both feet. Listening to our own wisdom and moving in a way that is right for us looks different for everyone. To answer your great question: What one thing can you do today that will help you be more ready to take part in a future challenge? I am paying attention to the offers and most importantly, the people behind the offers. I’m purchasing when appropriate and receiving the gifts that are offered. I have a lot to share, but my way of joining the challenge is clearly going to be at a different pace and in my own way.
I’ve been surprised and saddened at how many of you have expressed such
strong emotions about lurking in the challenge and not being ready for it. I
need to communicate much more clearly that it’s perfectly normal and
actually even positive to take your time to feel comfortable and to proceed
as you are ready.
I don’t ever want anyone to feel guilty about not being ready! Just know
that you are welcome to join in the fun, at YOUR comfort level, even if you
have nothing to offer yet. Because you DO have something to offer –
yourself. And we’d love to get to know you!
Thank you LaVonne. I think it is tricky for some of us that are finding the challenge after the initial runs. I’m not saying there’s anything to do differently, but my experience is that I see all this awesomeness and there’s a desire to make the first impression count. The guilt about “not being ready” isn’t coming from the structure of the challenge. In fact, guilt is the wrong word for me. It is more of a disappointment that I couldn’t jump right in but perfect because there’s a refinement going on and my offer will be better because of it! Thank you for this place where we can get to know everyone and be supported.
This isn’t to do with you or the way the challenge is framed, LaVonne. For me, it was a case of being plagued by my own demons about not being ready. Living in the place of ‘not ready’ can be difficult and uncomfortable – and sometimes the hardest part is admitting to oneself that that is where you’re living!
Thanks for the lovely comment, Tami. I’m so pleased that you’re enjoying receiving the many offers and gifts that are available in the Customer Love community. Openly receiving is a great skill, and one that some of us (like me!) can find difficult.
You’ve taught me a great lesson here – thank you!