For two or three weeks now, I’ve been stuck. I’ve been battling my writer’s block about creating content for the voice coaching site. Along with Slacker Mom, I even started the 2500 Word Challenge in a desperate attempt to force myself to crank out enough content to launch the new site.

I’m still stuck.

Here’s why: I don’t want to do voice coaching. I mean, I don’t mind helping people out with their voices now and then, but I don’t want to blog about it and I don’t want to market it. Maybe later, but right now, I want to focus on The Complete Flake.

This is where my interest and [much as I hate the word] my passion lies. It’s all I think about, really. I’m reading books like Switch: How to Change Things When Change is HardTrust AgentsTribes and The Power of Less, and they have nothing to do with voices and everything to do with what I’m envisioning for the flake site. I thought they would help me force myself to do the work it takes to get the voice coaching thing going, but:

Is that how I want to live, forcing myself to do something that doesn’t interest me? No!

I listened to some very smart people, like WendyDave, Mike, and Melinda, who saw good potential in it but didn’t know my situation. I have frequent four-day migraines that cannot be predicted. My health is getting better, and that’s why I feel, on good days, that I can do anything, but the truth is that I have to limit my activity and commitments. I can’t make appointments two weeks — or even two days — in advance with any assurance I’ll be able to keep them. I’ve already had to reschedule three or four sessions because of my health.

I was in denial about this and went with the advice, but even if health weren’t a factor, I don’t love voice coaching. I like it, and that might be enough, but I don’t have what Simon Sinek calls a Why for it.

I do have a Why for The Complete Flake: YOU.

Sounds corny, but it’s true. When I read comments and tweets from people who say, “You inspired me,” and “There are so few places that are safe for flakes to be honest,” and “LaVonne, we’re leading such parallel lives its freaky,” I know I’m onto something here. I’ve touched a nerve. I believe there are a LOT of people like me, and I want to help them. I don’t know how yet, but I think that just by being honest, I am helping them/you, so I want to keep doing that. Maybe it’s enough to just give you a safe place to be yourself. We’ll figure that out together.

I have a glimmer that there is hope for us. I’m finding good information that I want to share with you, but I keep getting pulled away to work on the voice coaching stuff. I’d much rather devote all my attention to finding solutions to our little ‘flake problem’, so we can relax and be our own true selves without having to constantly being on guard, censoring and shutting ourselves down.

I just want to say that I HATE having to admit that I’ve changed my mind AGAIN, after publicly making such a big thing about voice coaching. And I worry that I may change my mind again. I can never predict how I’ll feel from one day to the next, honestly. It’s embarrassing, but that’s the cross a flake has to bear, if you’ll forgive the awful cliché.

So, I’m going to put my heart and soul into The Complete Flake. If some people want voice coaching, that’s fine, I’ll do that too. But it will be a side thing. This is the main thing.

p.s. You have 2500 Words to thank for this post.

Image credit: Mel B

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Showing 6 comments
  • Natalie Christie
    Reply

    LaVonne, I totally relate. This is how I felt when I started my operatic sabbatical. If it starts to feel like something you would rather run away and hide under the duvet from, then it's time to move on. I'm digging into Danielle La Porte's Firestarter Sessions at the moment (brilliant brilliant) and there's no greater magnet for success than the actions of a passionate person folowing their bliss. Concentrate on what gives you JOY and we'll stand on the sidelines and cheer.
    x

  • LaVonne Ellis
    Reply

    Natalie, you just made me cry a little. Thank you. :)

  • Samuel
    Reply

    There is nothing wrong with changing ones mind. Nature, life, radiance and beauty “a.k.a. feminine energy” is all about change. Perhaps you are just in a feminine moment? We don't always need our masculine energy. There has to be balance. And beauty inspirers me, more than anything.

    It also sounds like you are more true and honest to yourself and I think this is more inspiring to people than any “followed plan”.

    I'm actually a vocal coach myself and I do it if someone wants my help. My motivation is making people inspired. Not because I should.

    I don't think you “have to” do anything. You could forget about the vocal coaching for the moment if it does not interest you. You could also have the same goal and drive about the vocal coaching as what drives you to do this site.

    Being open to changes shows you trust in yourself and that will ultimately lead you were your heart is and what can be better than that?

    Cheers!

  • Slackermomspeaks
    Reply

    I was just talking to someone today about how hard it is to do things that go against your path. Once you have even a glimmer of your true path (or at least your current true path because things change), it's virtually impossible to do anything else. Going against the grain creates such friction that you feel like you can barely move (figuratively speaking and maybe literally as well). You have started this wonderful space for flakes like us to be ourselves and feel understood.

    I can relate to how hard it is to spend time and energy on something that doesn't create the same spark for you as working on The Complete Flake. (I'm still working part time as a lawyer which is where I'm making the money to pay the bills right now. I feel like I'm slogging through molasses every time I try to get myself to work on that stuff!)

    It's perfectly ok to change your mind. You tried something, it hasn't worked out. Put it on the shelf and if you decide somewhere down the road that it's time to pick it up, it's there. In the meantime, the other Flakes and I will be here rooting for you and the success of this wonderful place.

  • LaVonne Ellis
    Reply

    Thanks, Jessica. Feeling down today for some reason, I think because I'm
    having such a hard time with 2500wds. But I know it'll get better. That's
    the good thing about having years of experience with depression: it always
    gets better if I just start doing something… heh, forgot that last part
    until just now. And see, I'm starting to feel a little better already, just
    by replying to your comment. :)

  • LaVonne Ellis
    Reply

    Thanks, Jessica. Feeling down today for some reason, I think because I'm
    having such a hard time with 2500wds. But I know it'll get better. That's
    the good thing about having years of experience with depression: it always
    gets better if I just start doing something… heh, forgot that last part
    until just now. And see, I'm starting to feel a little better already, just
    by replying to your comment. :)

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