Photo by Audrey
Since puberty, I have lived in a perpetual state of hating myself for: general laziness, lack of gorgeousness, and horrible housekeeping, among other things. But it all comes down to laziness. (That applies to looks too, because every woman knows she could be beautiful if she just worked hard enough at it. All the magazines say so.)
I tell myself, “You really should declutter, LaVonne. Start getting rid of everything in preparation for the big Road Trip.” Then I look around at all the WORK that entails and decide to think about it tomorrow.
I’m gung-ho about starting up a simple exercise regime: walking around the neighborhood every day. Then my knee starts hurting or my shoes aren’t ideal, and I decide I should take up bicycling instead – as soon as I can afford a bike.
I announce proudly that I AM GOING TO WRITE EVERY DAY. Then I don’t. Or I fizzle halfway through a blog post. Or I write the equivalent of several pages of “All work and no play makes Jill a dull girl,” over and over, and call them Morning Pages.
We all do this, of course. I know I’m not the only one. Yet I am convinced that I am far worse than most people. For years, I thought it was funny to call myself a world-class procrastinator, but underneath the jokes was the ugly truth: self-hate. I could go into the whole thing about our celebrity-crazed, perfectionist, self-hating culture but I won’t. It’s not news.
What may be news, however, is the little epiphany I had last night: As long as you have dreams, you will ALWAYS feel like you’re falling short. It’s the nature of the donkey-and-carrot beast. Once you achieve a goal, you set your sights on another one… and you never stop to truly enjoy the fruits of that achievement. But the simple act of TRYING, even though we never quite reach the goal, actually creates incremental progress that adds up exponentially.
Look back at all you’ve accomplished. How can you hate yourself now?
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I’m slowly learning that the joy is in the process, at least for me. I’m working on ways to enjoy each process more rather then setting my goals on what the end will look like. Much more fun that way!
That is some seriously good advice, Naomi, thank you!
So true, my dear! If you’d like them, I have decluttering advices, regardless, I have hugs! Hugs for LaVonne! And tea, since tea makes everything better.
Hugs and tea, just what I need! And decluttering advices!
Before I say anything about the rest of the post, can I just say,and I know where you;re coming from, but you are sooooo not unattractive. I see so many women do this…but its obvious Lavonne looking at your face, that you are and always have been beautiful…not feeling beautiful has nothing to do with what you look like..
and as for flakery… some of us can only do what we want to do… Chris G had the good sense to recognise this in himself from the onset and created a business model that supports that, and make it his whole selling point
Maybe that’s something you should look really closely at…I’m glad you’ve given u Trust Wanda, I think it would have been a burden…and stressed you out beyond belief…
In the coming months why not try affiliates, all the people whose stuff you love (sort of Chris G in reverse), everything you love (Amazon, your fave businesses ..and see what happens..
and you just be you :)) keep us posted on whats going on, progress on the Road Trip , your new friends on the Interwebs (who live on the road),
and even try seeing of any of the companies who supply vans/equipment for road trips, would like to sponsor your website ?
I’m a great fan of @daniellelaporte:twitter , my mantra ‘Yo’ll Figure It Out’, ‘Easy IS Productive’, and …. ‘Everything IS Progress’ 🙂
and don;t give up on the dream people… yep, the journery is great, the learning curve etc… but nailing he dream is awesomesauce itself :))
Thank you, sweetie – I knew I could count on you to catch the gorgeousness comment! Pretty sure it’s something I have in common with most women these days.
I did not know that about Chris G – thanks for giving me a new perspective on him. Always loved him, but this just magnifies the love. 🙂
I’ve decided I won’t be doing any marketing at all, including affiliate marketing – until I have books to sell, of course. I’ve been too scattered to focus on writing, so I need to pull back from everything that doesn’t support it.
I love your enthusiasm, Jenny!
I’ll fight you for which of us is the laziest when it comes to housekeeping!! I do love your epiphany, it’s really important. I’m currently trying to get a balance between beating myself up for not doing stuff and knowing when I really need to get my arse off the chair. Talking of which, bye for now…
I’d fight you, Tess, but that would require, you know, moving my ass. I’m not going to beat myself up either, any more. I’ll just keep trying and in the process I will try to remember to take note of that and give myself a little credit once in a while.
I’ve said this before in other places, but it bears repeating: I had an epiphany of my own a while back, and it was this – That as long as I tried to be perfect, I would always fail. So I lowered my sights to being Really Darn Good – and at that I often succeed. In fact, sometimes I surpass it and have glints of Really Fucking Awesome.
And sometimes I still fail. But I keep going. Eventually. 🙂 Sometimes because The Universe kicks my ass into motion.
And. For years I have joked that I don’t color my greying hair or wear makeup because I’m cheap and I’m lazy. But the truth is that I LIKE my greying hair, and I LIKE how my skin feels without a ton of crap on it, and I LIKE going to bed without having to stop and take off a bunch of makeup. (Actually, I like how my skin feels in the morning without having gone to bed with a bunch of crap on it.) All it takes is a reframe. 🙂