I just wrote a rant about marketing and how I really, seriously, DON’T want to market. Don’t even want to think about it.
But I stopped, because:
- I knew it wouldn’t be at all helpful to #customerlove challengers, and
- something was oddly familiar.
Why was I suddenly freaking out about marketing, and right after that fabulous interview with Naomi Dunford? I didn’t have any problem with basking in her marketing genius, or getting all the awesome comments, tweets and retweets that followed.
Why now?
Oh, yeah. That Thing that’s coming up tomorrow. That I’m nowhere near ready for. That I’m terrified I’m going to f*ck up royally. That I haven’t even written a page for. And what was I thinking, announcing it all over the place and drumming up almost 50 people to sign up? Am I crazy?!
It’s the I’m-scared-shitless-and-I-want-to-run-away-and-hide syndrome. We’re old friends. We go WAY back.
Self-doubt.
Is there anything more destructive to the spirit, especially the entrepreneurial spirit? I was seriously thinking about packing it all in for a few minutes there. Thought I’m just not cut out for this stuff. Dreamed of running away in an RV and writing a book, of all things.
But that’s just a fantasy that always seems to pop up when I want to run away. It’s not something I really want or I’d be doing something to make it happen.
Do you feel like that just before you have to put up or shut up? Please say yes. I don’t want to be the only coward around here. I’m pretty sure it’s an occupational hazard for entrepreneurs.
Well, now what?
It’s not like I started this post with a solution all figured out that I can give you in 5 nicely-formatted bullet points. I honestly don’t know — right this second — how to overcome self-doubt. But I can try to remember what has worked for me before. Has anything? Yes.
- First, as in a 12-step program: Recognize the problem. When you catch yourself procrastinating or wishing you could walk away, that’s a good sign you are doubting your ability to deal with whatever is facing you.
- Second, and I learned this one from the Buddhists: Let yourself feel the self-doubt. What does it feel like, physically? Does your stomach churn? Do your arms ache? Noticing the uncomfortable feelings removes you from them, makes you an observer, and helps you gain perspective so you can think more clearly about solutions.
- While we’re contemplating, go ahead and take a few deep, slow breaths. That will help you calm down and relieve the physical discomfort so you can focus on the next step.
- Now, what’s the next action you need to take to move forward? Just do that one small thing.
- If you need help with this, or just support while you face your fear, ask for it. For me, the place to go is Twitter. I tweeted my anxiety last night, and @Fabeku and @AbbyKerr were right there with the encouragement and support I needed. Ask and you will find peeps you can count on too.
- Then, take more deep breaths, and take another small action. Rinse, repeat.
There, 6 bullet points! I feel better already, don’t you?
Your action step for #customerlove today is to tackle that Thing you’ve been avoiding, so you’ll have Something Wonderful ready at the end of the challenge. That’s part of loving your customers too, after all: sharing what you know. If I can do it, I know you can.
Tell me all about your plans for that Thing in the comments below. I’d love to hear about it.
p.s. If you’re interested in attending my Thing [cough free voice coaching class cough] tomorrow at noon PDT [but don’t worry if you can’t make it; there’ll be a recording], I’d love to have you — and I promise not to f*ck it up TOO much. Sign up here.
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Hey, LaVonne —
Sounds like you got just the burst of push-through you needed. Awesome.
The cool thing about our community here in the #customerlove Challenge is that we’re all pulling for each other. No matter what webinar snafus may ensue {and I doubt there’ll be any}, we’ll still be here, ready to learn and quick with encouragement. *You* and what you have to share are more important to us than any technological wizardry.
So, about that Thing of mine. Weeeellllll…been putting off the creation of it for a while now. Don’t know why. Busy? Sure. Probably because this is the first product I’ll have created and I keep telling myself it’s going to be a mini, small thing. But I know myself, and I don’t usually do things in a mini, small way. Sooooo that leaves me looking at about two weeks to get this Thing fully conceptualized {I’m 60% there}, created {I’m 10% there}, and launched {10% there — I started an Advance Discount List last week and asked my email newsletter subs if they wanted to join}.
Can’t wait to hear about other people’s Things.
Thanks, Abby – yes, it’s good to be reminded how many lovely people are
pulling for me. And I’m so excited that you’re charging forward with your
Thing! Let me know when it’s ready so I can join in the cheers!
~LaVonne
Interjected wisdom for you:
1. Give yourself permission to f*ck up. Because everyone does, even those that seem to have all their crap together. They don’t; they just fake perfect really well. And they’re human, just like you are, which means you’re all equal. So go ahead. Screw up once in a while. It’s okay.
2. Realize that your worst screw-up nightmare is absolutely just your imagination throwing catastrophic scenes at you… and they aren’t real. All pretend. You can choose to watch those images like a movie and be horrified and afraid, or you can say, “Thank you, imagination, that’s lovely, but I have better things to do right now.” And choose NOT to buy into that crap.
3. Your acceptance of self-doubt and fear is cool, and it’s good to acknowledge it. Also good to take deep breaths and tell yourself it’s going to be alright. But crucial is to not only acknowledge your fears but really listen to them. WHY are you so afraid? What does that mean to you? What is your fear? Once you name it, it becomes much easier to conquer. (See step 2)
4. Make peace with marketing. If YOU believe that what you sell is good and helpful to others, then why wouldn’t you want to tell them about it? You don’t have to subscribe to noisy methods – there’s nothing wrong with just saying, “Hey, I think this might be good for you.” That’s all marketing is… letting people know that you have something good that can help them. You just have to believe that what you have IS good and helpful.
5. Recognize your self-sabotage. If you have a thing tomorrow and you haven’t done anything to help yourself actually succeed at it (like write a sales page), be honest: you don’t really want to succeed; you want to fail. Well, not YOU. Your unconscious. It’s trying to keep you safe and comfy where you are, so it’s deviously making sure to sabotage all your best-laid plans. Do some introspection and ask your unconscious why it’s sabotaging you… you may find out you both want the same thing – you’re just going about it in opposing ways.
Most of all, don’t think. Don’t give yourself time to think. Just DO IT. That’s the best way to remove your imagination’s ability to create these beautiful and horrific disaster scenes. At the first sight of them, LEAP. Too late imagination!
Wonderful advice, thanks! And I’m pretty sure they come from the voice of
experience. I am definitely learning that leaping before the imagination
kicks in is a good strategy. Terrifying, but exhilarating.
~LaVonne
Oh LaVonne ~
Honest to God, I sooo know what you are talking about with those patterns of thought. I so relate to them. It is not ‘fear of failure’ but rather ‘fear of success’ that so often keeps us locked within.
You know what an inspiration you are to me.
You recognise, you acknowledge what is within and then you honour those thoughts and feelings, by being true to yourself, and you then take action (whatever that needs to be).
Self – doubt (lack of belief) in ourselves is crippling and ingrained. Much more difficult to comprehend for those that seem to have confidence in themselves and their skills.
Bravo for taking the steps and laying it out there and followed up with the action plan!!
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do.. . .
It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Marrianne Williamson
With warm hugs and gratitude
Lindyklk
P.S. How cool are ‘menwithpens’ suggestions and points . . . yay!!
I’m printing this page out and putting it on my desk!
And on a final note (durrh! rather an epilogue to this ‘chapter’, oops!) YOU KNOW YOUR STUFF WITH THE VOICE COACHING ! It’s second nature to you because of the knowledge within . . . it’ll be ‘bloody brilliant’ !!
Ooh, you got me pegged, all right. I really am afraid of success. Had it
once and blew it, so I’m scared of doing that again.
Yes, weren’t James’ points awesome? Printing out = good idea!
~LaVonne
I’m in self-sabotage on a teleclass at the moment, too (although I’m thankful I’m not under the gun the way you are!) I don’t find the old “grab some clean underwear and go” mantra effective in this case because it’s already too late–second-guessing has already kicked in. That’s a proactive strategy.
James has nailed it–there’s comfort in the familiar, and by doing a teleclass, you’re inviting the expectation that you’ll be offering something more afterward. No sitting around doing embroidery whenever you want. 🙂
ACK–commitment! Gives me the willies.
In reality, though, we can do whatever we want. We own the business–it doesn’t own us. You can set limits on how many clients you’ll take, how many hours you’ll put in each week, etc. It’s not actually a nuclear-powered interplanetary rocket ship with HAL at the helm, although it does feel that way sometimes!
And if you f*ck up, you learn. Embarrassing but not fatal.
Best wishes for a great call tomorrow, LaVonne. I don’t think I’m going to be able to be on live, but know that I’ll be rooting for you and listening later.
Oh, crap – you just reminded me: I need to have something at the end about
signing up for a private coaching session, lol. I don’t know my ass from a
hole in the ground right now, but I know it’ll be fine. Thanks for the
encouragement, and I’m sorry you may not make it to the live session. I’ll
be thinking of you listening when I start to get nervous, though. 🙂
~LaVonne
Hi LaVonne,
We all have these moments when we think that we’re not up to the challenge and it is a case of sometimes taking a deep breath and reminding ourselves what we have managed to achieve before and what we can achieve now.
I retweeted an article of James’ (I think) which I found which suggested that freelancers might welcome voice coaching as a way of getting over the fear of having to cold call companies. Worth thinking about as an angle…?