I tweeted, ” Off to battle w/writer’s block!” and @LisaMilesBrady replied: “Don’t beat it. Befriend it. The block wants to talk to u. Write the convo. :)”
So, okay, I’ll write the convo:
Me: Hello, Writer’s Block, how are you today?
Writer’s Block: Oh, I’m just peachy. And don’t think you’re gonna get around me with that little ‘convo’ ruse. I’m too smart for that.
Me: Oh, really? We’ll see about that. But first, a message from our sponsor while I go do something I don’t really have to do right now…
Writer’s Block: Told you. [smug smile]
LONG PAUSE
Me: Okay, I’m back.
Writer’s Block: Welcome back, what can I do for you today?
Me: Well, first… you can tell me what you are, exactly. Because I’ve been told there’s no such thing as writer’s block.
Writer’s Block: EXCUSE ME? I am most definitely real, young lady. And I’m a little offended at that remark.
Me: I’m just telling you what I heard. Don’t take it personally.
Writer’s Block: Well, I don’t know how else to take it, frankly. For a writer to say I don’t exist is like Florida without sunshine.
Me: Ah, so you admit that I’m a writer! And that’s a really sucky metaphor, btw.
WB: Simile. It’s a sucky simile. And you can’t have writer’s block unless you’re a writer, silly.
Me: Just answer the question, please.
WB: Question? Oh — what am I? Hmm. I am your Resistance, your fear that you have nothing worth saying. I am here to protect you from making a fool of yourself in public. I’m your best friend, actually.
Me: You’re full of shit, actually.
WB: Hahaha! I love this friendly banter. It’s like we’re bonding or something.
Me: Or something.
WB: You don’t enjoy this?
Me: Not really. Well, maybe a little. Okay, yes. I’m enjoying this – begrudgingly.
WB: I’ll take that. I’ve always wanted us to be friends, you know.
Me: No, I didn’t know. I thought we were mortal enemies.
WB: Oh, heavens, no! I love you! I can’t believe you didn’t know that.
Me: Love?! WTF? Excuse me while I go do something else I don’t really have to do right now…
LONG PAUSE
Me: Are you still here?
WB: Of course. I’m always here for you.
Me: Stop that! That’s just — creepy.
WB: Sorry.
Me: Now, what is this love shit?
WB: Don’t you remember? Susan Johnstone says in her Wisdom of Your Resistance class that your Resistance [that’s me] is protecting you from things that have hurt you in the past.
Me: Yes, I remember.
WB: And I wouldn’t try to protect you if I didn’t love you, now, would I?
Me: I hate it when you talk like that.
WB: Sorry, I can’t help it. It’s just who I am.
Me: You’re not a WHO! You’re a what. And anyway, you’re just a part of me.
WB: Exactly! That’s what Susan says you should say to yourself at random times during the day: “A part of me…” and then finish the sentence with how you’re feeling right now. I’m just a part of you!
Me: Still creepy.
WB: I’m thinking it’s a lot like the whole multiple personality thing, you know, like in Three Faces of Eve, where Joanne Woodward’s various personalities eventually meld back together into one? Maybe we could do that.
Me: Yeah, I need to think about that. I really don’t like you, and I don’t think I want to ‘meld’ with you.
WB: That’s okay. I’m a little hurt by that, but I’m trying to understand — why don’t you like me? What have I ever done but protect you? [tears well up]
Me: Oh, Christ. Are you actually having a hissy fit? Please.
WB: Answer me!
Me: You want the truth? You want the truth? YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!
WB: Well… yeah. That’s kind of the point, isn’t it?
Me: The truth is that you have stopped me from achieving my dreams — all of them. Every time — except that one time when I got really mad, too mad to hear you, and went looking for a better job and got it — but every other time I had a big dream, you knocked it down. Squelched it, with your fear and your what if’s and your I can’ts. I had some wonderful opportunities, like that full scholarship to USC film school, and that writing class where the professor loved my work so you wouldn’t let me go back to class, and the time that big literary agent wanted to read more of my book, and you stopped me cold. What the HELL were you protecting me from? Huh? And what are you protecting me from now?
WB: You’re supposed to be making friends with me. Yelling doesn’t help.
Me: [sigh] Okay. Sorry I yelled. But can you tell me, please? What are you protecting me from?
WB: You know.
PAUSE
Me: Oh. That.
WB: Yes.
Me: Really? The Abyss?
WB: Yes.
Me: The blank page — the blank brain? That’s it?
WB: Yes, and…
Me: And — I can’t say it. I’m scared.
WB: Go ahead, it’s okay. No one but you and I will know.
Me: That’s not true. You know I have to blog this.
WB: Okay, but they’re you’re friends, they’ll understand.
Me: All right. [deep breath] I’m afraid — that I’m stupid. I can’t keep up with the other kids. I’m afraid they’ll find out.
Oh — I just had a flash of where this came from: 7th grade, when I went from being the smartest kid in the 6th grade to the dumbest kid in the gifted class. That’s how it felt, anyway. And nobody seemed to know how to help me get through it, so I didn’t. I flunked out of algebra and Latin, and learned instead how it feels to be the dumb kid — not good at all. That year, and the next 5 years, scarred me for life.
WB: See? I was just trying to keep you from going through that again.
Me: Yeah, I do see. Thank you. I appreciate that. And now that I understand what’s up with you, maybe we can work together. What do you think?
WB: How so?
Me: Well, you could point out potential danger to me, and I could thank you for pointing that out, and then I could take a closer look and let you know if I need you. How does that sound?
WB: I like it. 🙂
Me: Me too. 🙂
THEY HUG, GINGERLY.
Image credit: Ronie
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[…] for updates on this topic.Powered by WP Greet Box WordPress PluginOver the weekend I came across a remarkable post on writer’s block, resistance and inner dialogue by the talented LaVonne Ellis. I suggest you go and read it and then come back here, because the […]
[…] took a course on the wisdom of resistance, but didn’t do the homework. I made friends with my writer’s block, but the fear in the pit of my stomach wouldn’t go […]
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THIS POST TOTALLY ROCKS!!!
As a gifted ed teacher, I have SO much to say about your being accelerated in the way you were, but we’ll leave that for another day because my real point is that THIS POST TOTALLY ROCKS!!
Seriously. Even though I was familiar with resistance being your protector and the idea of different parts, reading your conversation with your block somehow made it sink in more deeply than when you’re only thinking in theoretical terms. I will have to have this same conversation with my BFF. 🙂
And thanks, @LisaMilesBrady, for the idea!
Also always enjoy your humor, LaVonne.
Awesome post, LaVonne. I think we all feel like that some of the time, hell, I feel like the biggest fake on the planet a lot of the time.
You are enough, sweetie. 🙂
oh LaVonne. Beautiful. This is a little play that we all need to see and repeat and learn. and of course our dear Lisa is an amazing muse for calling you to this creation.
And yes, our WB or fear is doing it’s best to protect us…but I love the way you unearth the fear and where it came from….
HUGGING YOU now.
You are not dumb, you are not flakey (despite the title of the blog) and you are so very very wise.
Don’t worry about the other kids! Just do your thing. You do it sooo well.
Thank you, Susan, I just wrote the conversation verbatim, heh. Writing was so much fun, for a change. I must remember this!
And I want to hear more about your experience as a teacher!
Working on that, sweetie. Thanks. 🙂
Thank you, girlfriend. Isn’t funny how the easiest things are so often the best? That was one of the easiest things I’ve ever written. And the most fun, lol. Makes me WANT to write, for a change!
Thanks so much, Kirsty. There’s nothing better than the feeling of having created something out of truth. I feel like walking on air right now. Ahh…
This is actually similar to an NLP technique called Core Transformation, in which you ask the part of you that’s causing trouble, “What do you want?” After it answers, you vividly imagine having that until that feeling is with you. Then you ask it, “Now that you have ___, what do you want even more?” Rinse and repeat, peeling back layers until you get down to the core. At the core, people are usually after love, oneness, peace, stuff like that.
Core transformation is usually facilitated by another person, but this technique allows you to do it on your own, which is way cool.
So, do I get to say, “I told you so. ” 🙂
Beyond thrilled that this was easy for you. I got so sick and tired of stuckville, LaVonne, that I figured I had nothing to lose by talking to “it.”
WB rocks and so loves you.
As do I.
Keep this up and nothing will ever stop you again.
You are freakin’ MAGNIFICENT!!!!
#loveyou
Kirsty,
Be the most authentic version of fake Kirsty you can be. Just don’t let fear stop you. It really is there to help you. Just talk to the fake. 🙂
Oh, LaVonne, I love this! There’s always a memory deep under the block and when we discover what it really is, we’re always SO thankful suddenly that our resistance has been remembering to protect us from what we forgot.
The thing that cracks me up SO much about this convo is that “you” are the really negative one here, and the resistance is all “I love you”. = > totally the opposite of what we usually expect.
Now go one more level and say “a part of me is really negative about this” and see if you can feel the part of you that’s positive….cuz I think that positive you might be a little buried. (And it’s OK, that happens after years of blocks and resistance, we learn to expect the worst and we’re less hurt when it happens – I buried mine too.)
You totally get to say you told me so. And I am totally going to listen to you from now on! #loveyouback
No suckin’ up allowed, Missy. 🙂 I am not going to let you leave this planet with your music still inside. Even if I have to drag it out of you one word at a time. We need your voice.
*I* need your voice. #thatisall
Ah, the negative part of me. I’ve been thinking about that lately, my habit of always trying to stand out by being negative — in what I THINK is a funny way. [It’s interesting that I’ve been REALLY annoyed with my older son for doing exactly the same thing!] I think a PART OF ME doesn’t want to come off as uncool by being too positive.
Update: Another thing I just remembered: I learned in high school that I got a lot of praise and attention from teachers when I turned in assignments that were the opposite of what the other students were doing. If they were serious, I would be funny, for instance. I also got in some serious trouble that way too, lol. But it’s another way of looking at the word negative — as opposite, like a photo negative.
Yikes, you ARE tough. I like it!
Fascinating! I’ll have to try that, thanks. 🙂
That’s a fantastic technique. I use it with my clients all the time, and it’s amazing what the “difficult” parts are protecting people from. Go you!
Thanks, Mike! I’ve written these kinds of dialogues with what I think
of as the ‘other me’ before, but never specifically to work on a
problem. It definitely helps!
LaVonne, Bravo! Congratulations on such bravery!
Thank you, Susan!
LaVonne, that is AWESOME! Love it!
I think I’m going to go talk to my own WB tomorrow.
Gee whiz… I spent years of training all in an effort to recreate this conversation and the insight it produces with my clients.
Best post I’ve read in a LONG time.
It’s amazing how successfully you’ve integrated your conflicting “parts” by reconnecting the negative part with it’s ultimate purpose/intention. Truly masterful.
LaVonne,
I LOVE love LOVE this. I even love the tags, especially multiple personality and protect.
I’ve started talking to my writing BFFs, but not to the extent that you were so kind to share with us here. In fact, I see mine nodding their heads vigorously about how wise you were to listen, that perhaps I could take a lesson…. (Mine come in pairs, one wants me to do xyz, the other the exact opposite, and as you know they are both on my side and both have a point.)
Your post also reminded me of one of my all-time favorite quotes. “The best way to rid yourself of an enemy is to befriend him.” Abe Lincoln.
Apropros that he presided during the Civil War, since that quote helped me end the one that had been raging for years between my 2 Itas. (Rita -restrictive eater and Juanita-I wanna eat everything.) They used to yell at me and back and forth at each other constantly, now they can hardly be bothered to do more than whisper. (They smiled weakly at that. Thanks, Ladies. Look at that, they’ve even synchronized rolling over in their lounge chairs.)
So all my BFFs appreciate you spotlighting their kind and reminding me about the fabulous contributions they have to offer.
And my writing BFFs Page and Nowell would really like the same kind of life the Itas have…
Thanks, LaVonne!!
Karen
Your dialogue reminded me of one of my all-time favorite quotes, apropos
Peter, thank you so much! I had a great time writing it – now if I can just
replicate that experience, lol.
Thanks for visiting and commenting!
Ah, so you have multiple BFFs, do you? And how does that make you FEEL?
[scribbling in notepad] LOL, I love that you’ve actually named them!
Haha! How did it go?
It makes me feel surrounded by people who love me, just because. And they were clamoring to be named. As I’m typing this to you I’m realizing that there is one more significant pair of BFFs that really want to be heard and I have been shooing them away, or half-listening to them at best. This dialogue you started may just get me into one with them. (Oh the cheering that is going on in my head.)
“Just talk to the fake.:)” I LOVE that!! I have some real fakes that would love for me to talk to!
How exciting!
~LaVonne
Pure genius LaVonne. As I already said in that tweet (or maybe I didn’t say it as much as imply it) that totally moved me. Brilliant and honest and if I could give you a hug right now I would. x
Virtual hug accepted and reveled in!
Awesome Monster Whispering, LaVonne! 🙂
It is nice when accords and teamwork can be reached.
Yay, you! 🙂
(and yay to the you-might-like plugin that showed it to me! :-D)