I feel like crying. My stomach is churning. I can’t focus on anything but how bad I feel – and how good that ice cream in the fridge would taste right now.
It started out with something specific, something someone said that hurt and felt unfair, and then it spread and generalized. Now I’m not just upset with what happened, but everything. I want to drop it all and run away to another life in another world. I want to be someone else. I want to change everything so I never have to be reminded of anything that might make me feel bad ever again.
And I REALLY want that ice cream.
Do I not handle emotions as well as other people? Am I oversensitive, as my mother frequently told me? And if, as I suspect, that’s true – what the fuck can I do to change it?
I can’t just tell myself to stop being so sensitive. Doesn’t work. Neither does ice cream (though it certainly helps – it’s just the side effects that get me.) Marijuana? Alcohol? Narcotics? Again: side effects. Talking to friends is only moderately helpful – I can vent, but then they feel the need to solve my problem for me, and that doesn’t help at all. It just adds to both of our frustration levels.
So I am resorting to my last resort: Writing.
Funny, I’ve resisted writing for so long I completely forgot how therapeutic it can be. And then I read Kyeli Smith’s post about writing when she feels terrible. So simple – of course! *facepalm*
I’ve been looking for an answer all over the internet, and it was right in front of me all along: Just write.
So that’s what I’m going to do. Sometimes, it will be self-involved crap, whining about the unfairness of life, and I won’t inflict it on the world. Other times, if I think it might be helpful, I’ll post it. It may not fit the ‘customerlove’ mold, but I think that’s been part of my hang-up: how can I make what I write always fit this mold?
I need to work that out. In writing.
Conveniently, Kyeli and Pace Smith are offering their World Changing Writing Workshop (early bird pricing ends today – this is not an affiliate link, btw) and I’m thrilled for the opportunity to take part. I want to change the world by changing me, and I can’t think of a better way to do that than with one word after another.
Wow, I feel a lot better now. Awesome.
What do you do when you feel bad? How do you work it out? Let’s talk about it in the comments.
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It’s funny, I’ve been writing on an article sort of like this one the last days. Also felt worse than bad (thought I had made a fool of myself) and also wondered: what on earth am I going to do to feel better?!?
For me the solution was an mp3 album from amazon called the Release Technique. Went for a walk in the forest, listened to it, came home, felt okay again.
Thanks for your honest writing.
Ooh, those are good ones – music and a walk. Must remember that. Of course, when I go for a walk my feet always want to head for the supermarket ice cream section. Having a Ralphs across the street sucks.
Oh, music would not have helped me! 🙂 I was feeling too bad! The full title of that album is Ridding Yourself of Frustration and Anger, so it’s a self help kinda thing. (I’m a self help junkie.) It really worked though!
What you did with your writing was turning the pain into art (this article) and thereby helping others (it’s soo nice to not feel alone). I admire you for the courage to be that honest and direct. To not sugarcoat anything. I will use it as an inspiration and work on using less sugar in my own writing.
Oh, music would not have helped me! 🙂 I was feeling too bad! The full title of that album is Ridding Yourself of Frustration and Anger, so it’s a self help kinda thing. (I’m a self help junkie.) It really worked though!
What you did with your writing was turning the pain into art (this article) and thereby helping others (it’s soo nice to not feel alone). I admire you for the courage to be that honest and direct. To not sugarcoat anything. I will use it as an inspiration and work on using less sugar in my own writing.
Ooh, I’ll have to check that album out, thanks. I don’t get mad often but
when I do I have a very hard time getting over it, and it usually turns into
a black depression. Probably because I don’t have the courage to say, “Hey!
Stop pissing me off!”
It would indeed be nice to have something happen and not have it turn into The Big Bad Feeling. In my case what I the hate most is that my productivity goes down to near zero. Not so much turning pain into art going on here 🙂
Yes, that’s what happens to me too, but when I think of creativity as
therapy, that seems to help.
~LaVonne
Yes, that’s what happens to me too, but when I think of creativity as
therapy, that seems to help.
~LaVonne
Best of Fortune with your sitch! :>
One can always institute a ‘no-advices’ policy, a la Havi Brooks, when one is not in the mood for help just now, but instead a friendly ear.
Great post, btw! :> You’re right – sometimes we do need other fora in which to speak. 🙂
And love doesn’t always flow perfectly. 🙂
Agreed on the ‘no-advice’ policy, which I think most women understand, but I think it’s difficult for most men who seem to be hard-wired for problem solving. They really don’t understand why anyone would want to talk about a problem without getting a solution. Mainly, I don’t want to hear the WRONG solution, and I don’t want to keep rejecting their attempts to help for fear of making THEM feel bad. Told you I was oversensitive. 😉
Love this. Since we did the whole #2500wds thingy I’ve been sticking to a minimum of 1500 a day. most of it doesn’t fit my business, some of it is just whiney hogwash, and some if it is powerful. All of it changes me. I feel better. and I help – myself mostly – by proving again and again that I can write. Now I’m on a hunt for other places that may be a good home for the useful bits that are not necessarily part of my home brand – and I’m finding some! Always LaVonne. Thank you. (and sorry you were feeling kerflugled.)
Wow, that’s very impressive, Peggie. I got stuck during the #2500wds
challenge and never got back on the wagon because I couldn’t stand my own
writing, which was whiny drivel for the most part. But so what? I get to
choose what and when to share. I can throw the whiny stuff out and no one
ever needs to see it. I don’t know what took me so long to ‘get’ that.
Ooh, talk about timing – Goddess Leonie just posted this awesome video for How to Beat Discouragement. Of course, any video she makes immediately brings a smile to my face, but this one has practical advice that I highly recommend for everyone who ever gets down. Go watch.
I draw and I write. Expressing myself grounds me and help me makes sense of all the noise in my head.
Vas, that is so inspiring to know. You are the most creative person I can
think of.
~LaVonne
Vas, that is so inspiring to know. You are the most creative person I can
think of.
~LaVonne
Aww… I love this! Thank you for sharing. It’s quite funny for me, I don’t like writing (even though I’m told I’m good at it) because I don’t like giving structure to my thoughts. I suppose I can just rant, but I think somewhere along the way I developed an aversion to writing… despite the fact that it’s very therapeutic.
So you know when I write? Exactly when things suck so bad that I need to let it out and, yes, talking to others is frustrating because they just want to solve my pain when I just want a big warm hug. So I so totally get this!
Another thing that helps? DANCING! Just shaking it all out.
And, of course, full acceptance of whatever level of sensitivity we have. It’s ok, and nothing is permanent so whatever we’re feeling will flow on out as long we are not holding on to it.