“You should go out with him,” said my friends. “You deserve happiness.”
“But he’s so much younger than me,” I protested.
It was 2003. My suitor was 28, younger than my oldest son. We had met at a bus stop. He was good-looking, tallish, and well-built. But even though in theory I was all for the trend of older women with younger men, this was too big a gap. It just didn’t feel right.
What did he want with me, anyway?
I was still recovering from a disastrous marriage to another younger man — only ten years younger but an alcoholic who was allergic to work. Now, my inner alarms jangled every last nerve. Trust was not on my agenda.
Why on earth would a 28-year-old man be interested in a 56-year-old, overweight grandma? I was twice his age! He must think he can con me out of money, I thought, the way my ex did.
So I invited him to my apartment to meet my youngest and see how broke we really were — there was no money to con me out of.
That didn’t work. When it was time to go home, he asked me out again.
“But why?” I asked.
“I’m attracted to you,” he said simply.
The problem wasn’t just age. I didn’t feel the attraction. Everyone said I should “go for it” but no one, including me, asked if I actually wanted to date him. The looming, unspoken question was, could I afford to pass up what might be my last chance at happiness?
As though happiness is only an option when you have a man in your life. Especially when you’re over the hill.
“All right,” I relented.
His idea of a date was disconcerting — he wanted me to come to his house and watch a championship boxing match with him — but I agreed. When I got there, I discovered the TV was in his bedroom. His two roommates, he said, were out of town for the weekend.
There were no chairs, so I sat on the bed next to him and tried, awkwardly, to make small talk. Eventually, in desperation, I focused on the TV.
The bell rang and the two boxers came out of their corners, dancing with each other. Gloves darted and missed, or connected. When they did, the crowd roared. I pretended to be completely absorbed in the action. Why did I come here?
Then, he leaned over and kissed me
Okay, here it is, I thought. I might as well find out how I feel about this. I kissed back.
He leaned in, slowly pushing me down on the bed. As we lay there kissing I felt a sudden, sharp, surprising pang of desire. And just as suddenly, I felt creepy and disgusting. I was old enough to be his mother! This was wrong.
I bolted up, pushing him away.
“I can’t do this,” I said, and made some excuse about not being able to have intercourse because, of all things, a skin condition. The thought of just saying no didn’t occur to me.
“Okay,” he replied, reasonable. Then, out of the blue: “Will you at least give me a blow job?”
What?! I’d heard that the younger generation was much more casual about oral sex these days but I was shocked nonetheless. I had no trouble saying it now:
“NO!”
Other than that he was a gentleman, walking me to the bus stop and loaning me his jacket against the evening chill. The attention made me feel weirdly romantic as we waited together. Just as I was about to board the bus I remembered the jacket, turning with a dramatic flourish to hand it to him, smiling like a young woman in love.
“Thanks!” I said, breathless for no reason.
He took it and walked away. The door swung shut and I went to my seat, feeling embarrassed.
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Great title to go with that story.well all I can say is you are much braver than me. I would not have even tried that one. My 34 year old daughter is dateing a very inmature 21 year old ex convict who she let move in and babysit her kids.My family is totaly ticked off,every last one of then including her kids and sisters. Everyone is asking “WHAT IS SHE THINKING “. Thank you for sharing.
Oh dear, I am worried about your grandkids. 🙁
Fucking hysterical.
Haha, thanks Mary!
Oh LaVonne!!! 1) I love your new website. I haven’t been here in a while. 2) I’ve had quite a day, I really needed to laugh and you delivered. 3) Oh man that was funny!
Lol, we aim to please!
Great story. How indeed, do we allow ourselves to do shit we absolutely know we shouldn’t? I think it’s a product of the times we were raised in. The whole submissive female thing. I certainly wasn’t encouraged to speak my mind or stand up for myself. I’m making up for it now. ????
Sadly, the whole submissive female thing is still embedded in my brain. Right now, I am working on forcing myself to make eye contact with men when we pass on the sidewalk (or anywhere). Easier said than done!
I hate to (I’m lying) throw your own words at you, but right under your Complete Flake head, your sub-head is If you never try, you’ll never know . . .
Well, now you know, and distasteful as it felt, you’re wiser for it. Probably can’t say the same for the kid, but who knows.
Thank you for spelling it out, so we can all feel a little more normal regarding the same (or worse) kinds of things we all do but aren’t brave enough to share.
I love your blog. You’re inspiration for me to get back to mine and make it a little more human.
I was paraphrasing your sub-head. I’m on my phone, and couldn’t look. Sorry. Yours is better.
Thanks, Carol — I’m looking forward to reading your blog!
All I was thinking is, well done LaVonne, one more hurdle in the understanding of yourself. Personally I think that was not a failure on your part at all, but instead a reminder to you that men /boys of all ages are only after one thing, someone to watch sports with.
The Sex part is just young people and urges, the fact that he was willing to show you his “man nest” is quite an acheivemnt on your part, well done.
And the “gentelman” is still in him remember that. Your flourish and flush tells me perhaps you still longed for the romance, and may now even still wish for it. And that is not a bad thing its says you are still alive and breathing part of the human race.
A small word of advise though, learn the names of the boxers and bring beer and you have him around your little finger. LOL in all seriousness again well done Lavonne.
I dont think there is infamy about it at all BTW, as these things are the things that show us who we either are or want to be.
And if this is the most infamous thoughts you have , well Lavonne you are a saint, St Lavonne, even.
Oh and remember this too, an inexperienced male can satisfy an older woman by pure energy, however an older male has no hope with a younger woman. Unless he has a lot of money and plenty of poolboys and gardeners.
🙂
The best dates I’ve been on were with my wife after we were married.
BFG
As an older woman, I can attest that energy is not what works for me, lol. And as a former younger woman, I can report that poolboys and gardeners were a lot more attractive to me than their employers. 😀