Woohoo — we have a guest post by Samuel Törnqvist of Unblog Yourself!
Overwhelm and pressure has been a big problem in my life. Ideas usually come easily to me, but to actually get them into action is another story.
Sam’s recipe for giving up on his ideas
- Come up with a great idea.
- Make the idea into something fantastic.
- Start to see it has to be done in only a very specific and particular way.
- Only focus on the end result.
- Be impatient – have no compassion with myself.
- Don’t be willing to learn.
- Expect instant results.
- Tell myself I never do anything important.
A little pressure is good.
To create some pressure on you to actually read this whole article I will have a great tip for you on how to battle overwhelm at the end of the article. (Now, don’t skip to the end you cheat…) 😉
I recently discovered overwhelm has nothing to do with what is going on out there and the amount of tasks I have. I can be overwhelmed having absolutely nothing to do.
Overwhelm is a mindset
Just think of the enormous pressure we have all the time. According to the media, you should:
- be healthy
- be good-looking
- be in perfect shape
- have the perfect weight
- have the perfect relationship
- earn tons of money
- create fabulous art every day
Being overwhelmed is a feeling that you cannot handle “all” the work; it is just too much. But we are only truly overwhelmed in our minds. I know very few “physically overwhelmed” people — this is really just being tired, and you need rest. That usually takes care of the problem. Overwhelmed in your mind is a whole other story. For many, this kind of stress never ends.
Sneak attack
My generation (I’m 34) is facing some “shoulds” that are in disguise. More and more people are starting to agree that the previously mentioned “shoulds” are actually quite superficial and cause more pressure than good. Nowadays, we are more aware and have learned to relax a bit. But now there is a new pressure that crushes us to the ground. I’m talking about the “should” in disguise:
You have to save the world. Now. You cannot wait.
Think about this one. Let’s forget for a moment all the facts about the world. I’m not arguing the validity of the multiple crises that we might face. I’m talking about the pressure these ideals give us. We don’t let ourselves see what we truly are capable of.
Here are some examples of ideals most of us never dare to question:
- I have to save the environment.
- I have to be equal to all.
- I have to be kind to everybody.
- I should never be angry.
- I should always act correctly.
- I just cannot say what I truly feel.
- I have to be a perfect parent.
- I have to watch my behaviour or I might oppress someone.
- I have to change the world now.
- I have to save the world now.
- I have to end all wars now.
All these issues do have importance. But let’s talk about the inner pressure we also create with them. If we dare to question these ideals we feel like bad people. We all have ideals that seem sound, but most of us have no clue how to actually follow them.
Ideals and capacity
Most of us have a hard time separating our high ideals from what really is going on here and now. There is a difference between what we should do vs. what we actually can do. I’m not saying the matters in the world do not need attention. They do. But only from where you are, not from your ideal.
For example, someone can smile at strangers. Another person can build a school, another can take care of his children, another can run a company, another can start to be more aware of herself. In essence, these actions come from the same place and they do have the same value, if they come from your true heart. They all matter and have value.
Change your mind(set)
Remember, overwhelm is a mindset. How can you change this mindset? My suggestion is to make the issue small enough that you feel you can handle the task. But don’t make it too small or you won’t do it. There has to be a little bit of a challenge or it does not make you inspired to do it.
“Sam’s recipe for giving up on his ideas” above can be transformed entirely by just adding these lines in the beginning:
- Make a plan of possible steps – make it simple and fun
- Follow your heart – changes may occur but your purpose is the same
Make it smaller
For example: Save the world. No wonder you are overwhelmed. I mean, how will you do that? How about defining what that means first? How about saving your country? Still too big? Save your family. Still too big? Save yourself. (Saving yourself is a whole universe by itself. I would say it is a life project that you can make into smaller steps still. And what does ‘save yourself’ really mean?)
Another (more concrete) goal: Become a published author that millions love. Yep, you are overwhelmed thinking about how that can be achieved! How about writing a book? Too big? Write a chapter. Too big? Write for an hour. Too big? Write for 5 minutes.
Pride
We have to be honest with ourselves and do what we can do. What we can do is what is right. Learn to be proud of your true capacity.
If you have never written before, you just won’t write every day for an hour. Maybe you could do 5 minutes and actually enjoy it? Maybe even less? Do what makes you do it again and again, not what makes you feel, “Oh, I have to do that again…”
The world does not need overwhelmed people. You won’t save anything or anyone with “shoulds.” The world needs you the way you are. That doesn’t mean you should just stop caring and not try. We do evolve and things change by trial and error. But it means trying from what you have, from your uniqueness as it is now, not from what it could have been.
Get to know the voice of overwhelm
What is that voice in your mind that forces you to always have to make everything so big and grandiose? What is so wrong about starting small? Why does it seem that the attitude that you have to be perfect instantly is the only option? Did you actually come up with these ideas? Where you born that way? You would let your child take it is easy learning things, wouldn’t you?
And last, the promised reward for reading so far: (drum roll…)
Make deadlines with other people involved.
For example, tell someone that on Tuesday at 8 o’clock you will sing, “I can’t get no satisfaction.”
Good pressure
It does not have to be a big thing or a concert (though it certainly can be). Having simple deadlines, promising other people you will do something is a fantastic motivator. It is even better if you make a deal that if you don’t, you have to do them a favour. Remember, this is for your benefit. I have a blog, for example, and I have an audience to show up to. It motivates me like nothing else.
If you play music, have small concerts for friends, family, and parties. If you paint, have small shows or decorate the kitchen with a simple painting . Writers could recite a poem or article or have a blog. Keep showing up and have fun and let people know what you intend to do.
Do it for yourself and it will be a gift for others automatically.
How are you letting your great ideas and ideals overwhelm you? What is one way you can make them smaller? Give yourself a deadline in the comments below!
Image credit: BinaryApe
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I'm a huge fan of making things as manageable as possible. Small steps. Lots of small steps add up to something big. But concentrate on the small 😉
Yep, I need to keep reminding myself of that. Like Samuel, I tend to be a big thinker and then I get overwhelmed very quickly.
Reading this, it got me reminded of something I often ponder upon: I would love it if I had a team with thinkers and doers. I mean, people who love to do and people who love to come up with ideas. Imaging the power of that team?
I'm mostly a doer but I am so much better at coming up with stuff and the doing bothers me at times.
In the team, you could change what you do but I think you would be more relaxed and creative.
Reading this, it got me reminded of something I often ponder upon: I would love it if I had a team with thinkers and doers. I mean, people who love to do and people who love to come up with ideas. Imaging the power of that team?
I'm mostly a doer but I am so much better at coming up with stuff and the doing bothers me at times.
In the team, you could change what you do but I think you would be more relaxed and creative.
Hey! Do you have any great tips on how you make things smaller? Or are you just naturally good at this with no contemplation?
Cheers!
Hey! Do you have any great tips on how you make things smaller? Or are you just naturally good at this with no contemplation?
Cheers!
I usually just ask myself what can I do in the next 5 minutes with regards to a certain project. If I can't do something in 5 minutes, I break it down until I can.
And I'm sorta naturally good at this since it's my M.O. anyway. 😉
But if you want a more detailed explanation:
Look at your project, find one thing you want to do.
If you can do that one thing in 5 minutes, do it.
If not, start breaking the task down into steps.
Take one step. Can you do it in 5 minutes? do it. 🙂 if not, break that one down until you can.
Ooh, that's good. I need to use that one. 🙂
I was just reading a book called Switch, by Dan & Chip Heath, that
talks about the dual nature of our personalities, the rational side
that's the thinker, and the emotional side that's the doer. For those
of us who don't have teams, we have to learn how to get our thinker
and our doer to work as a team. That's my big problem. My emotional
side has always been in charge. Not good!
Hi Samuel,
Love your contributions to this blog which is one of LaVonne's greatest ideas! I believe there doesn't have to be a disconnect between 'thinking' and 'doing' if you have good task analysis skills. You don't have to 'do' but it's good to make sure you picture the stages involved which call for action and make sure all of them are within your repertoire of skills. The biggest problem to setting objectives is when the tasks involved are out of one's skill set. You never get past that stage in reality even if the plan sounded 'good'.
In working with disabled kids, I learned to picture the child successfully doing something and then worked backwards from there, listing all the things that preceded that successful outcome. Voila! Task analysis which doesn't let you skip steps and forces you to review the complexity of a goal. If your first steps are too far away from the later steps (too many stages in the 'doing'), you've started something far too large to take on.
I now return you to the far more comprehensible writings of your hostess.
Thanks for sharing this. It is very helpful. I also believe in the power of visualizing as a great tool.
It is definitely frustrating at times when we attempt things that might be beyond our current skill. But it is also the edge, the challenge, that drives us forward, teaching us new skills.
There has to be a balance between doing and thinking, or what is possible to do, as you rightly point out.
Sorry I was unclear. When part of the task analysis shows something out of the skill set, that's when you redo the plan to allow for acquisition of the components of the missing skills. It will tell you if you aren't ready to succeed at the original plan. The greatest barrier to success is planning to do something which can't really be executed because you simply can't do part 3. Best to set a new goal just to get the skills for part 3 or know how to work around it.
I consider the word 'think' to be a verb. If I think of things which aren't possible to accomplish after careful analysis, I consider it dreaming more than thinking.
Dreaming is healthy too, when you know the difference between dreams and actual plans. And very exciting when they transition from dreams to plans because you've figured out the transition phase!
No it was clear the first time. But thanks for adding an interesting topic.
As a useful analyzing tool, I agree with you and I think that it can be very helpful to re-plan when there is something we cannot do.
But I doubt most people analyse their tasks this way. (I guess companies might though) And I would not advice it if you are on your own because of our very strong influence of “super-ego”. Most of the time this self-reflection will create doubt rather than possibility and there is a great chance that we go the other way and think we are less capable than we actually are. I would say this is the most common in fact.
I find the best way to avoid frustration, in terms of tasks being outside our “current” skill”, is to make the steps smaller, into what you are capable of. Not to all together avoid the goal.
I think that goals can be set no matter what you are capable of. I had no idea or technical skill how to run a blog and here I am somehow.
Sometimes we don't know what we are capable of and we try and we fail. And that is fine, because we now have more experience.
Most people know how to walk even though they once had no idea or skill how to do it. They tried until it worked.
I think analysis is absolutely valuable but myself I'm mostly in favour of trying, learning, falling and getting up again.
Most science work the same way. Think of what is possible today that we considered impossible 50 years ago.
“How” you arrive at the goal is a different matter though.
Perhaps you are talking about disabilities, where you have physical or mental restrictions? In this case perhaps a mentor is coming up with a plan for someone else? That is not what I am talking about. But I have still seen people with severe disabilities learning so called “impossible” tasks.
I think motivation is what really matters here. It is the real juice.
After all, everything comes from mind. This includes dreams, thoughts, emotions and being. No separation intended
(oops long…)
Cheers
Sorry I was unclear. When part of the task analysis shows something out of the skill set, that's when you redo the plan to allow for acquisition of the components of the missing skills. It will tell you if you aren't ready to succeed at the original plan. The greatest barrier to success is planning to do something which can't really be executed because you simply can't do part 3. Best to set a new goal just to get the skills for part 3 or know how to work around it.
I consider the word 'think' to be a verb. If I think of things which aren't possible to accomplish after careful analysis, I consider it dreaming more than thinking.
Dreaming is healthy too, when you know the difference between dreams and actual plans. And very exciting when they transition from dreams to plans because you've figured out the transition phase!
No it was clear the first time. But thanks for adding an interesting topic.
As a useful analyzing tool, I agree with you and I think that it can be very helpful to re-plan when there is something we cannot do.
But I doubt most people analyse their tasks this way. (I guess companies might though) And I would not advice it if you are on your own because of our very strong influence of “super-ego”. Most of the time this self-reflection will create doubt rather than possibility and there is a great chance that we go the other way and think we are less capable than we actually are. I would say this is the most common in fact.
I find the best way to avoid frustration, in terms of tasks being outside our “current” skill”, is to make the steps smaller, into what you are capable of. Not to all together avoid the goal.
I think that goals can be set no matter what you are capable of. I had no idea or technical skill how to run a blog and here I am somehow.
Sometimes we don't know what we are capable of and we try and we fail. And that is fine, because we now have more experience.
Most people know how to walk even though they once had no idea or skill how to do it. They tried until it worked.
I think analysis is absolutely valuable but myself I'm mostly in favour of trying, learning, falling and getting up again.
Most science work the same way. Think of what is possible today that we considered impossible 50 years ago.
“How” you arrive at the goal is a different matter though.
Perhaps you are talking about disabilities, where you have physical or mental restrictions? In this case perhaps a mentor is coming up with a plan for someone else? That is not what I am talking about. But I have still seen people with severe disabilities learning so called “impossible” tasks.
I think motivation is what really matters here. It is the real juice.
After all, everything comes from mind. This includes dreams, thoughts, emotions and being. No separation intended
(oops long…)
Cheers