Before I get carried away with the ins and outs of complete flakery, let’s be clear about what a flake IS, exactly. Some people use that word to describe—
[LOUD BUZZER SOUND]
Um, uh — well, I told you I won’t lie, so the truth is I wrote those words hours ago. I’ve been procrastinating ALL DAY on finishing this post. It is now three minutes to midnight, so I am technically keeping the commitment I made at Be Awesome Online to blog every day this month — oops, now it’s 12:03 — but let’s face it. This is completely flaky behavior, and therefore a perfect example for us to ponder.
Here’s how The Urban Dictionary defines a flake:
n. An unreliable person; someone who agrees to do something, but never follows through.
1. John called in sick to work again today. He’s such a flake.
2. Mary said she would do the research for our project, but it’s been a week and she hasn’t done a thing. She’s such a flake.
But it doesn’t say WHY flakes are unreliable. It’s not as though we choose to piss off everyone around us — well, unless we’re also passive aggressive, but I don’t think that’s what’s going on with most of us.
I’m no expert, but to me a flake is disorganized, often overstressed by work and/or family commitments, exhausted, and trying desperately to hide her shameful secret. Like the Red Queen in Through the Looking Glass, she is running as fast as she can just to keep from falling behind. And of course, she is ALWAYS falling behind.
Like me, most flakes are world-class procrastinators.
We make an art of putting things off. Why? Well, in my case, there’s a little kid inside me, stomping her feet and whining, “I don’t want to!” And because I’m an adult now, and my mother isn’t around to tell me I HAVE to, I usually don’t do whatever it is I don’t want to do, until I have no choice.
But I think there’s another reason too: fear.
I was afraid of writing this post. I didn’t have a clear idea of what I wanted to say, just something vague about “What is a flake?” And being a bit OCD about every single comma, I knew I would go back and edit, edit, edit till the cows come home. Writing for me is a huge chore because of this pesky little perfectionism problem.
Yep, perfectionism is probably another flake trait.
I still have no idea how I’m going to end this post, and that has me feeling uncomfortable. It’s a physical feeling, actually, and I don’t like it. My stomach is tight, my arms ache, and I just want it to be over. It’s now nearly 2 a.m., so I’m tired to boot.
My usual habit is to avoid that ache-y feeling at all costs. Part of my brain is saying, Finish it tomorrow, nobody cares. Nobody even knows about this site yet. You can do two posts in the morning to catch up.
But we know where that slippery slope ends up, don’t we? In the RIVER OF BROKEN DREAMS, PEOPLE.
So I will keep my commitment to write a post a day this month [even though we are technically into the second day for this post] because that’s what The Complete Flake is about: Getting Things Done for a friggin’ change.
So I guess that’s a good enough ending for now, because I am fresh out. Phew!
What’s your definition of a flake? How does your own flakery feel when you’re deep in it? Does it make you uncomfortable? Tell me in the comments below.
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Flakes are selfish, that is what defines a flake.
The Flake is stuck in Level 1 of behavior Being Struggle – on autopilot – an addiction of compulsive behavior be it procrastination, shopping or drugs and alcohol not being able to do what is necessary, because they lack self-control. This behavior leave one a victim in conflict with Body-Mind – always in conflict with self because you seek comfort. The cause is lack of Self-discipline. Discipline implies someone else calls you to be accountable and responsible. Learning the Art of Self-Discipline can transform any behavior. It is a process to go thru the 4 level and it does take practice. Level 2 is Being “In the Struggle” with more options to be able to react and perform, but you are still seeking happiness and want to return your comfort zone. Level 3 is “Having the Struggle” where you learn to respond with little conflict within yourself. Level 4 is Non-struggle you are engaged in each activity with passion and you learn to do what is necessary to win and Level 5 is Mastery where you remained Centered at all times with “What is” engaged in creating from infinite possibilities in the Pursuit of Excellence – being the best that you can be. The benefits one reaps from this work is TRANSFORMING! Sending Love and Light, Saquina Akanni, The Prosperity Doctor
You are so right, Saquina – I hate admitting it, but you are spot on. Thank you for your comment.
Thank you for your reply. Trusting all is well and you have overcome the “flake” or procrastination syndrome.
I responded to your blog a year ago. Since that time I decided to write a book on my 6 week transformational process & practice. Always at your service. Sending Love & Light
Saquina
I used to have regret about my flaky nature.
I hope to change some peoples perspectives.
Overwhelmed flake
To help understand “overwhelmed flake” I have to define work. When I say “work” in quotes I loosly mean accountable to someone to have a task completed by a deadline.
One of the reasons I am a flake is because there are incorrect expectations of me. This is why it can be very important to set the expectation that I am a flake.
Real life example, before I recognized I was a flake my wife would make a chore list, 10-15 things on it. 10-15 things might not seem like a lot but it is enough to induce “THE DREAD”.
“THE DREAD” is an illogical feeling of being overwhelmed. I say illogical because it is illogical but yet “THE DREAD” remains a real recognizable emotionally crippilling feeling which I am sure some readers here will identify with.
Once I recognized I was a flake I set the expectations for my wife. I am a flake so expect a flake. The expectations are now different. She knows now that a big list is overwhelming for me. She understands that I might not get the work done even when the list is smaller. Since I know my wifes expectation is that I am a flake I now do not have to deal with the stress of being accountable for doing household chores.
There is no better way to sum this up execept to say when my brain associates something as being “work” I shut down physically/mentally, by having freedom it is not longer “work” and I can complete the tasks stress free without being overwhelmed.
Time management flake
I live in the moment. I don’t know what day of the week it is. Heck, sometimes I don’t know what month it is. Ask me to do something 10 days from now and you might as well be talking to a wall because in 10 days from now I will have forgotten all about you. Ask me to do something today and I will be able to tell you if I am busy or not.
I don’t adhear to time. I do have a task manager but that is hit or miss and I’ll be using a different task manager in a year anyway because I’m a flake. By setting the expectation that I am a time management flake it becomes understood that if you want me to follow through on a certain time or date that you should expect to remind me and even so remember that I… am a flake.
Hermit flake
Sometimes I say “yes I want to do something” and then later I don’t want to go anywhere or do anything. It’s me, I’m antisocial and I know it!
Extreem focus flake
One of the things that contributes to me being a flake is that I get extreemly focused on something. I learned a computer programing language P.H.P. within three months on my own via the online manual, something most people take years to learn in school with teachers. During those three months I was a php learning zombie. I am known to have had full conversations with people and not knowing what I said because I was actually focused on learning php. A consequence is agreeing to things I don’t know I am agreeing to, therefore failing to follow through with something because I didn’t know I agreed to do it. Another consequence of extreem focus flake is that it compounds my time management flakyness.
Million Thoughts Flake
My mind goes a mile a minute. It is great for being creative or solving problems in the sub concious. I don’t work in a linear manner. This compounds time management flakery.
Conclusion
Many of the things that make a person a flake are also the same things that make a person awesome. I am a flake and I wouldn’t change a thing because I am a happy self actuated valued person. I think my best advice for my fellow flakes is to accept your nature so that you can set the appropriate expectations for others and yourself.
Exactly, David — we are so much alike! Thank you for sharing your experience and solutions. And your wife sounds like the perfect mate.
I found your site because I searched “I am a flake”.
I think we might be some of the very first flakes that have taken an in-depth look into our flaky nature to see the whole picture.
We are pioneers for acceptance of flaky people 🙂
Ooh, I’ve always wanted to be a pioneer!!!