Day 24: Give the Right Talk by Asking Questions

Claire Tompkins

Patty K (she’s posting tomorrow!) asked me during our Idea Bouncing session whether I liked giving talks. I thought for a moment and responded, “I like having given talks.” That is, when they turn out well.

Before I do them, I’m consumed with all kinds of worry about not saying the right thing, forgetting important points, not being able to lift my eyes off my notes, discovering that I’m naked, being too nervous to hear people’s questions, boring them to tears, drawing a COMPLETE blank, going down a digressive rabbit hole that I can’t get out of; you name it.

Whew!

I did a talk last week that turned out really well. And I think it’s because I added some customer love sauce that I’ve been wanting to do for a long time:

I made my talk about them, not about me.

Now, I know lots and lots about my topic. I’m an expert, for chrissake. In fact, I know so much that I also know you don’t want to know everything I know. It would be overwhelming. I hate being a talking head anyway. So when I plan a talk I need to know: what do I know that you really need to know?

In the past I’ve tried to figure that out by being psychic (works so-so), using points from previous talks to other audiences (works a little) and just cribbing stuff out of books (works adequately). It’s a frustrating exercise. Sometimes I feel like a stand-up comic, always watching the faces to see if I’ve still got my crowd.

This time I decided to be brave and do something different.

I asked them questions.

Now, that might not seem terribly brave, but for me it was. I’ve been steeped too long in the mindset that if you’re an expert, you talk and other people listen. If you ask them questions, it means you don’t know something. And that’s not right, is it? I’m supposed to know everything!

Of course, my conviction that I should know everything clashing with my certainty that I do not is what causes that cascade of worries I mentioned above. Ha, ha.

So, there’s that awkward moment when I’ve stopped talking and am asking a question and wondering what they’ll say. I’ve shifted the energy. I don’t what what will happen next. Maybe the whole thing will fall apart. A little scary, a little exciting.

At some point, I realize that I have smart questions to ask. Not just, “Are you with me?” or “Does that make sense?” Those questions are really more about me. Me wanting to get reassurance that people are still listening to me, or at least don’t hate me.

Smart questions are about them.

I started my talk with a handful of points and then I asked them for specific examples from their own day-to-day work lives. “So, does that particular problem with delegating ever come up in your department?” Like that. And the questions and examples came. People were engaged. In fact, they started talking to each other and comparing notes. I liked that.

It was engaging for me, too. One of my favorite things to do is to apply theory to real-life situations, to tweak it so it works for that particular situation. Doing that well takes collaboration.

Problem -> possible solution -> more information -> better solution -> still more information -> best solution.

Customer love is about truly discovering what my customers need so I can give it to them. I need the information to help them, and they feel loved when I ask questions that show I understand them. We all win – can’t beat that!

In real life, most of us prefer conversations to monologues. Listening is huge customer love (just the listening!). Combine that with service based on your listening and you’re golden.

How are you listening, and how are you using what you hear? Tell me in the comments below!

Plus: I’m giving away a copy of my ebook, 52 Simple Ways to Get Organized. To be the lucky winner, please retweet this post and leave a comment. In your comment, tell me about an organizing challenge you’ve overcome in a super creative, totally you way, a way I might not have thought of, that I could use to help a client; win-win!