I know.
I know how much you want to love someone (i.e., your customers)…and to be loved in return.
But, I’m sure you know in dating and in business, you can definitely overshare in the love department.
Don’t be that girl or that guy.
It’s not authentic or meaningful. Everyone walks away from that experience feeling like a tool. It’s just…icky.
You don’t have to show love to everyone to love your customers.
Define some freaking standards
Warning: I may start to sound a little like your mom…or maybe your cool, snarky aunt. Remember, it’s because I love you.
Don’t be afraid to be 1000% you.
Write your truth on giant poster board with a big fat Sharpie and hold it proudly over your head in a crowded room.
When you let people know who you are, the wrong people filter out of your life and the right people will love you…just for being you. No pretense necessary.
So stop trying to be all things to all people. Don’t spread your love too thin.
I know how hard this is to do.
I also know this is a cliche, but that doesn’t make it any less true.
We want someone to love…who loves us back. Everyone. Anyone.
Or do we?
Of course, we’d like that person to be absolutely perfect for us. To like the same stuff, to care about the same things. But, you figure, until Mr. Perfect comes along, these other people will do…won’t they?
But what if, like your mom or aunt would suggest, your Mr. Perfect happens by one day and sees you loving on all of those other random nothing-at-all-like-him people and decides he must not be your type at all?
Tragically, Mr. Perfect walks away and the two of you never meet. You never find the authentic, genuine love you’re looking for because you were trying too hard to find it everywhere.
You have to have faith that they’re out there.
As a customer lover, sometimes we get nervous.
We smooth out our rough edges. We hide the best parts of who we are so we’ll be more universally appealing. We don’t want to scare off someone we might, maybe, could someday show a little love.
This universal-appeal BS is a trap.
It doesn’t work for dating, for music or for business.
Sure, lot’s of people enjoy listening to whatever new mass produced sensation has hit the radio stations. But they aren’t passionate, loyal fanatics. They don’t LOVE them. It won’t last.
Loyal, long-lasting love comes from connection. Connections are not universally appealing. They’re visceral.
The music that really connected to your spirit…that sung to your soul…that you’ll be loyal to until your dying day…most likely that music came from a band very few other people have ever heard of. Only people who share your connection. Only the special few that get it too.
This is real customer love.
When you’re not afraid to be you…you attract people who were afraid they were the only ones. You show them they aren’t alone.
Narrow your focus. Be you…every bit of you.
You know you hate salad. So stop pretending and order the damn cheeseburger with onion rings already. Screw the fufu cocktail, you know you want the half yard of beer. Drop an F bomb if you’re holding it in. Admit that you know the name & rank of every Star Trek character…from every series…ever.
Don’t be who you’re supposed to be. Be who you are.
The people who love all of that about you…those are the people you can love authentically and completely.
Crucial side note: I’m not telling you this because I’m some kind of savant at it. I’m reminding myself as much as I’m telling you.
Stop being easy. It makes you look desperate.
I know it’s indescribably terrifying to put yourself out there and hope someone sees you.
But we’re not here to make everyone love us. We’re here to love the right people. To do that, we have to attract them to us.
These are the people we can love authentically and completely. The people we enjoy spending time with. The calls we can’t wait to make & the emails we can’t wait to reply to. The stories we love to tell.
With these people, we feel intensely passionate about their success and we’ll do everything in our power to see that happen.
Now that’s love.
Your call to action
Put yourself out there. In a post or a tweet, commit to an opinion about something…anything…that will filter out a few of your wrong people while drawing a circle around perfect people.
It’s not easy…but being easy isn’t the point.
Leave a Comment
This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
Laura – thanks for the elegant tie in between love, dating, and business. So many of the concepts are transferable aren’t they? Am keeping this one to reference repeatedly.
I couldn’t agree more Linda. From dating to divorcing, the parallels between love & business are never ending. I’m so glad you enjoyed the post!
Laura – I love this post. And I agree with you 100% Being who we really are is the key. It makes us unique and helps us stand out from everybody else. And at the same time, it’s freaking terrifying. Because if you do it right, you’ll piss some people off.
Since deciding to wear my pajamas everywhere, I’ve been asked to leave a networking group, been given the “you should dress professionally” talk by several people and was rejected for a volunteer position. And at the same time, my “network” is bigger, more supportive and more vocal than I’ve ever had before. People who like me, like me a lot. And those that don’t? They’re not my right people.
Oh Patty, I’m humbled by your chutzpah! You’re awesome. It takes a lot of guts to make yourself so vulnerable, but the pay off is normally much better than the risk.
We don’t just hussify ourselves in business. We keep our political & spiritual opinions to ourselves to avoid offending someone. We won’t even stand up for a movie if we know we’re the only one who likes it. The truth is, if we speak up, we’ll find people who agree with us. And we’ll bond with them instantly.
This fear of looking silly is a breeding ground for apathy, bullies and minority rule (because the majority stays silent). It’s pathological in our culture and we need to put an end to it.
Patty! I wear pajamas all the time too! ^_^ I’ve done it for such a long time I rarely give a shit anymore if people think I am crazy – because I am! Lets make a club 🙂
Hi Laura, I’ve been obsessing on the parallels between dating and business for awhile. Since an acquaintance pointed out that the steps too getting a date are exactly the same as the steps to close a sale. I love your point that being easy = trying to appeal to too many people. Who wants to be easy?
Hi Laura, I’ve been obsessing on the parallels between dating and business for awhile. Since an acquaintance pointed out that the steps too getting a date are exactly the same as the steps to close a sale. I love your point that being easy = trying to appeal to too many people. Who wants to be easy?
Hi Laura, I’ve been obsessing on the parallels between dating and business for awhile. Since an acquaintance pointed out that the steps too getting a date are exactly the same as the steps to close a sale. I love your point that being easy = trying to appeal to too many people. Who wants to be easy?
Hi Laura, I’ve been obsessing on the parallels between dating and business for awhile. Since an acquaintance pointed out that the steps too getting a date are exactly the same as the steps to close a sale. I love your point that being easy = trying to appeal to too many people. Who wants to be easy?
Hi Laura, I’ve been obsessing on the parallels between dating and business for awhile. Since an acquaintance pointed out that the steps too getting a date are exactly the same as the steps to close a sale. I love your point that being easy = trying to appeal to too many people. Who wants to be easy?
LOL. I just used that same term “parallels between dating and business” when replying to Linda! So, it must be true. Relationships are relationships no matter the setting. So it makes sense that the same rules apply.
I think being easy is a stage many of us go through in the adolescence (of our businesses, of course). Just take a look at teenagers and you’ll see how desperately they want to assert their individuality and at the same time how mortified they are at the thought of standing out from the crowd.
Hi Laura, I’ve been obsessing on the parallels between dating and business for awhile. Since an acquaintance pointed out that the steps too getting a date are exactly the same as the steps to close a sale. I love your point that being easy = trying to appeal to too many people. Who wants to be easy?
I love your call to action Laura “commit to an opinion about something…anything…that will filter out a few of your wrong people while drawing a circle around perfect people”. The imagery of drawing a circle works so well. It helps inspire me to make more comments about what I really believe.
It all makes sense about standing up for what we believe and who we are, in order to attract the people that resonate with us. I feel a great amount of support and draw inspiration from all the wonderful people that have trodden this path before me. Thanks to everyone here who has the courage to be who they are!
x
Mandie, I’m so happy to hear that this spoke to you. It isn’t an easy thing to do at all. But, I agree wholeheartedly that being a part of a community like this makes it so much easier. It’s endlessly valuable to know that someone’s got your back. <3
Ack! I feel like this was directed right at me. I’m so conflicted, though. It’s kind of part of my spiritual belief system to love everyone in that unconditional no strings attached kind of way.
Does that count as meeting your challenge? LOL I’m so confused…..
I’ve heard it called “be nice to everyone – but have a special place at the table for your right person.” It’s not that you have to be nasty to people who aren’t ideal, just that you go out of your way to find your right person – and show them that you’re right for them.
Aww, I don’t think you have any reason to feel conflicted. The point is that you can’t be all things to all people. People make like someone who has no opinions, but they don’t respect them and they’ll never connect with them. You already openly share your spirituality and belief systems with everyone you meet, so your circle is already so beautifully drawn. 🙂
You may be able to think of other circles to draw through non-divisive ways to filter out people who aren’t necessarily potential customers. One example is charging a small fee for something that you used to do for free to identify the people who love you, agree with you, learn from you and are willing to pay for your insight and wisdom.
XOXO ~ Laura
Yes! I am in the process right now of really finding and defining who I am and who my right people are! I’m sick ad tired of trying to appeal to those people who are everything I am not or don’t want to be… This struggle for me has been difficult because I go against the grain of many of my family members and I am scared of the possible flak I will be getting from them. But its been an eye opening experience for me and I’m only in the beginning stages!
My new website: http://www.emilyrose.co is me being me, and sharing my very personal thoughts on how things work, how obsticals can be overcome and I am finding that I have alot more to share then I thought I would on a blog, because now I am truly being myself and not being the person I think I should be or the person other people think I should be, its rather like a load of shit being lifted off my shoulders!
♥
Laura – Great post. I’m finally getting more comfortable being myself and I’m starting to attract my people. It’s just like you say: “With these people, we feel intensely passionate about their success and we’ll do everything in our power to see that happen.” Feels good!