Respect yourself

A long time ago in a city not far away…

I began my career as an awkward, barely functional radio newscaster. I had taken a pay cut from waitressing in order to do it, but I believed that if I didn’t get out of restaurant work soon, I might kill myself. All I wanted was some respect.

So, I worked hard and got better in a very short time.

Ego boost #1

After a few months, I got a call from Doug, the program director of a station across town, offering me a job. I said yes.

Ego boost #2

At a company/family picnic the next week this same, dear man told my mother, “Your daughter could go all the way to New York, she’s that good.” Later, at work, Doug repeated what he’d said, and told me that he meant every word.

As luck would have it, after a few months the station changed format and suddenly became the most popular station in town. People started noticing me. And treating me differently.

Ego boost #3

One morning, I picked up the phone and dialed. A sleepy voice I didn’t recognize answered.

“Oh—I’m sorry,” I said. “I must have a wrong number.”

The guy on the other end of the line seemed to wake up.

“Is this LaVonne (different-last-name-from-the-one-I-have-now)?” he asked.

Surprised, I said yes.

“I knew your voice right away,” he went on. “I listen to you all the time!”

Ego boost #4

After floating on air about that one for a week or two, I went to the drugstore to get a prescription filled, and the pharmacist gushed that he was talking to ME, IN PERSON.

Ego boost #5

One day, I got a call from a station in Michigan. The program director said he had heard me on an audition tape that was sent to him by Stacy, the disc jockey I worked with in the mornings—he had included me on his tape to show that he was good with banter, but it had backfired. Oops.

I declined the offer (and thoughtfully didn’t mention it to Stacy) but by this time, I was starting to think Doug was right. Maybe, I thought, it was time to move up in the world.

So I started sending my own tape out, minus any other voices—no point in taking chances—to stations in bigger cities. In short order, I was news director of the top station in San Diego.

But I was homesick for the old town. After six months, it was clear that I was depressed. I couldn’t figure out why—until I realized that I wasn’t getting my ego boosts any more.

In San Diego, I was just another news person out of dozens. Nobody knew or cared that I had been semi-famous in that other city.

I was in withdrawal from fame

Well, I howled with laughter. The joke was on me!

I had seen how dangerous this could be when I worked with a former local TV newsman on his way down as I was on the way up. He was an obvious alcoholic by the time I knew him, a sweet man grieving the loss of his own fame.

I promised myself at the time that I would never let that happen to me. And yet, I had nearly fallen into the same trap.

In both careers, waitressing and broadcasting, I had allowed my self-worth to be defined by the way other people perceived me.

My entire identity had been tied to my job

And isn’t that how we are taught to think of ourselves these days, dependent on others to tell us who we are?

Yeah, don’t do that.