First it sucked, and then it SUCKED — but now it’s over

So I spent most of the past week in the hospital. I don’t want to go into detail because it was most unpleasant and I hate to bore you with that but there were some funny things, like all the nurses, assistants, and doctors constantly asking,

“Did you poop yet?” “Any farts?”

No, sorry.

I thought I had a particularly bad case of food poisoning when I showed up at the Alvarado Medical Center Emergency Room around 4 o’clock Tuesday morning. (I left Scout sleeping in the van, knowing she’d be fine until the sun came up. Then I texted my son and he came and got her. Didn’t want you to worry.)

After several hours, I felt a bit better and the doc wanted to do a CT Scan just to be sure nothing was wrong down there.

Now, there is an interesting piece of machinery. If you haven’t had a CAT scan, let me just say that it feels like you’re in a microwave. Your insides actually heat up… but in a nice way.

The results took forever for some reason, and the doc was about to release me when they came back. Oops. Not food poisoning but a bowel obstruction.

Which meant I had to be admitted

Not only that, but the threat of surgery was raised if the problem couldn’t be resolved by other methods. Oy.

So a very sweet, gentle nurse by the name of Lianne (I have finally learned from my cousin Patti, who ALWAYS gets EVERYONE’S name, to do better in this area) drew the short straw and had to jam what’s called an NG tube down my nose and throat into my stomach.

There is no gentle way to do this, and no easy way to accept it. You do your best but you wind up yelling and crying and gagging and making a spectacle of yourself.

As I was wheeled upstairs, I could see that all ER staff eyes were upon me looking sympathetic, almost guilty.

Must have been my red, tear-streaked face

Well, I promised not to bore you with details. Let me just add that embarrassment goes out the window pretty fast in this situation. We all waited three days for that lump of whatever to work its way through me.

And now I am back in my van by the ocean (just in time to celebrate my birthday!) while Scout naps serenely beside me.

All is well

I just want to say that I have never been treated with such genuine kindness and sympathy. If you ever need a hospital in San Diego, I can’t recommend the staff at Alvarado enough.

My thanks to nurses Lianne, Kristen, Vanessa, and especially Jennifer in Radiology. Sorry I can’t remember any other names, but they were all wonderful.

And I am grateful for the chance to take better care of myself. Because I am going to make SURE that NEVER HAPPENS AGAIN.