I haven’t felt like writing for quite a while now, sorry. Sometimes, you just don’t have anything to say, you know?
You’ve heard of road rage. I have road ennui
Scout’s puppy dramas and comedies have pretty much faded away; nothing much to tell you except that we graduated from her training class last Sunday and now she expects a treat every time she does what she’s told. But at least she does what she’s told. Sometimes.
We are still in San Diego, going to the dog park every morning and spending the rest of the day at a local lake. When it gets hot, we move to a nice, secluded spot we’ve found by the ocean.
It’s a pleasant way to live. I’ve thought about calling San Diego home base most of the time and just taking road trips when I get itchy feet. But my youngest, who still lives in the apartment we shared for many years, has decided to move to L.A. this summer. I use the apartment for showers and laundry, and park at night in the parking lot of the supermarket across the street, where he works.
With Robby gone, there is no reason to hang around here any more, other than to visit his older brother across town. But I don’t know that neighborhood and don’t want to invest the time and energy of finding new spots to park, day and night. I hate worrying about being spotted as living in the van, and possibly hassled by police.
So Scout and I will be leaving for Flagstaff in a couple of weeks to camp with friends. We won’t be back except for short visits.
This part of town is so familiar to me, I’m going to miss it. I lived here for twenty years, the longest I’ve lived anywhere. I guess that’s what keeps drawing me back every few months. The excitement of nomadic adventures in unknown-to-me places are great, but so is the comfort of knowing every nook and cranny of a neighborhood.
I could come back whenever I want, of course, but it won’t be the same without Robby here. I will visit him in his new neighborhood but I can’t imagine vandwelling in L.A. the way I’ve been doing here. Too crowded, too polluted, too stressful. Plus, I imagine it’s kind of creepy having your elderly mother following you around in a white van.
It feels like the end of an era and the beginning of a new one — finally getting back to the reason I started all this two-and-a-half years ago. I haven’t done nearly as much traveling as I wanted to do then, mostly for financial reasons and also because I’ve been oddly nervous about stepping into the unknown. I’ve been disappointed in myself, to be honest. Where is my sense of adventure? Why don’t I explore our gorgeous wild places like so many of my vandwelling friends do?
Because I don’t want to do it alone
There, I said it. I am an introvert who doesn’t want to be around people but who wants company at the same time. Scout helps but sometimes you just want to talk to someone. “Will you look at that sunset!” “Let’s check out that Mexican restaurant.” “Will you take care of the dog while I get my guts operated on?” That kind of thing.
Well, I guess it’s time to mix metaphors and put my toe in the water. I feel like an overgrown chick getting nudged out of the nest at last (by its own chick).
Time to get back on the open road and learn how to fly.
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Boy does this sound familiar! I found myself feeling so lonely when Scott took off for a while. Then I started to adjust just in time for his return. Time and practice seems like it will do the trick.
Introversion is weird, isn’t it? I prefer being alone but then I miss my friends (like you!) but when I’m around friends (like at RTR) I want to be alone so I retreat to my van most of the time. Crazy.
I love the comment about the slight weirdness of following your son around in a white van. I can totally identify with this. I sometimes thing about what you’re doing, especially when the day job sucks more than usual. And I’ve realised more and more recently how driven by fear and anxiety I am. But in the middle of a bit decluttering drive which is actually showing results. Thoughts about how much excess stuff I have…
Love hearing your updates, but don’t feel any pressure to write more than you want to.
Tess, you should try it, if only for a weekend. You’ll be hooked before you know it. 🙂
Yeh – would be creepy, specially with Go-Fast stripes.
But have you thought about a dark blue van? I don´t believe he´d find that creepy at all, specially if you had a brown steering wheel. It´s worth thinking about.
Saludos,
Hi Robert! I did have a dark maroon van to start with, and I loved it. But in the hot sun, you kind of want white, you know? p.s. Not sure what you mean about a brown steering wheel?
I think change always brings fear, it does in me anyway. The wife and I have been talking about hitting the road on a more long term basis, but my other half is Still working part time….we will just have to see how things play out. Thanks for the update and take care b safe.
Yes, change can certainly be discomforting. I am learning to live with it but also learning that routine and familiarity aren’t bad things. I hope you can hit the road soon!
Hi LaVonne, well I’d love to look after your mexican food, while you take the dog for a walk, and look at the sunrise from the top of a mountain. Not quite what you had in mind though, I do understand the need to be with people sometimes, othertimes I prefer to talk to the machines I’m repairing, because they don’t interupt with stories of thier own.
Lonelyness is a word a biggish word but still a word, the feeling I mostly suffer from is another biggish word, frustration, I’m frustrated that I can’t jump on a plane ,point at sunsets, scratch a dog’s ear, or swab a scar. So dear LaVonne don’t feel lonely we are here, just say some words and we will rub your creased brow, whisper sweet inuendo, and say Gooooo LaVonne!
Yes you can edit my missspelt ramblings, LOL.
Learning to fly is easy just takes money, any flight school can help you there.
I think what you really need is a destination, right now you sound like this:
Enter LaVonne “Oh woe is ME, I have to GO, but to WHERE, I know not Where, Oh Dear”
Enter BFG “Oh look at the time”, exits through door stage right.
Enter Little devil “follow your son, but then there is the LA COPS, and the EVIL CITY Ordinances, and the scary LA streets paved with GOLD plated steel, steel you will find in the PRISONS HAHAHAHAHAHA, you will never go”
Exit little devil (he choked on a bit of corn bread, and went all red)
Enter the HERO (BFG in a silly cape and tights with stars and mellons on it, the tights were on sale.)
“Ha ha you want to go on a trip, but you are afraid of the dreaded UNKNOWN? Have no fear BFG in tights and a Cape is here, (what? not supposed to say that bit, oh sorry), uh hmm “BFG is here”, he repeats without the tights and cape bit… “I can help with the UNKNOWN”, BFG hands LaVonne a gift.
Lavonne takes the gift and holds it like it might be radioactive and also not GE free. “Um Kay, what is it?”
BFG, Beams with a toothy grin. Scout wimpers and hides behind the van, oh did I forget to mention Scout has been here all the time? damn, where is that Editor when you need her? Oh thats right in a van following her son around the country, but I digress. Scout hides his eyes from the shiny teeth, colgate toothpaste with super strength whitening can cause snow blindness dont ya know.
Oh back to the Gift.
BFG turns the gift up the right way, I mean all that radioactive GE enhanced energy might leak out.
“This”, BFG say,s pointing at the gift from halfway across the planet, “Is the power of the INTERNET”
He nods knowingly, at 3.44 beats per second up and down, according to wikipeadia the correct timing to impress ladies who sleep in white vans.
“Use it wisely, for IT is all knowing, and can banish the EVIL UNKNOWN”
Long distance hug for you, dear LaVonne.
Long distance hug back — via the INTERNET!
I like your honesty. Thank you for that.
Thank you, Mary!
Traveling solo can be great, and yet often I’d drive hours to see something amazing that felt pointless once I was there.